Motherhood is a rhapsody of emotions. One minute you’re counting the minutes until the kids go to bed, and the next minute you miss them.
Days are long. Years are fast. And it’s all hard.
As such, being a perfect mom is like walking through a carwash and trying to stay dry.
It ain’t happening.
Fortunately, children don’t need a perfect mom. They need a stable, caring one.
And in honor of Mother’s Day, I’m presenting a list that moms everywhere can relate to.
You might be a mom if…
- You categorize sitting alone in the car as “self-care”
Little Conner thinks you’re lost, but he doesn’t know you’re busy finding yourself…in the Honda Odyssey. *Turns up Lauren Daigle
- You’d rather eat glass than try on a bikini
What in the busted biscuits is there to look forward to here? I mean. Moving on.
- You actually HAVE eaten glass for whatever unexpected reason
God only knows. You’re a mom. Nothing is off-limits now.
- You’ve woken up at 3:37 a.m. to a child by your bed staring at you
“Hello, Ghostbusters? Could you be a peach and send help, my child is straight-up haunting me.”
- You consider walking into the woods at least once a day
Have I said too much? Is this not a thing? *frantically hits backspace
- You’ve forgotten picture day at school…
And of course, your child’s outfit looks like a complete dumpster fire that day. From the rainboots to the pro-wrestler shirt, there is no recovering from this. It is what is, Carol.
- You’ve walked into a room and asked yourself, “Why did I come in here?”
Send AARP info because apparently when I enter another room, I also enter another dimension. What did I need again? Why am I holding this pen? I have so many new questions. #BoomerAlert
- You’ve said you were never getting a pet and then found yourself buying a collar.
Don’t even get me started on the time I got catfished by our [now] cat. I’m still healing.
- You’ve actually cried over spilled milk…
…because you pumped it.
- You’ve called 911 to tell them you did not call 911.
“No, officer, that was just McKenzie, she’s got jokes but she’s gonna learn today. Please carry on, there’s nothing to see here.”
- You’ve lied and told your kid “WTF” means Well That’s Fantastic!
Well, what would YOU do in that situation? Only God can judge.
- You’ve accidentally put a dog bone in your kid’s lunchbox
Okay, these Scooby Snacks can be misleading. Stay woke my friends.
- You’ve called your kids by the wrong name
Minor infraction, and to be honest who could blame us. We’re in the fight of our lives here. The ring leader of a circus can’t remember all the different clowns and neither can we.
- You’ve made a gourmet meal using only mac and cheese, hotdogs and hope
Other fabulous meals include: Chicken In a Biskit with Cheese Whiz. Follow me for more recipes.
- You’ve been so sleep deprived that you microwaved grapes
I once also held a Capri Sun to my dog’s mouth, then wondered why she didn’t want a drink. I will never forget the sideways look she gave me as if to say, “Sis. Is you okay?”
The list could go on and on, but I have to go do Mom Things (i.e. switch the laundry I forgot about in the washer). Later I might throw my kids the parade they feel entitled to for switching the toilet paper roll.
Only time will tell.
In the meantime, what would you add to the list?