Do you feel that? That void? That missing single heartbeat in your chest? That’s your mom. A beat of your heart that was only for her – and now that she’s gone, it skips a beat. That pain, that absence, that void and longing – it will always be there. Why?
Because she’s not here.
I say that not to make you cry or sad, but to reassure you in this: you’re not alone.
If you’re a motherless daughter like me, then the likelihood is that Mother’s Day is a looming dark cloud reminding you that part of you is not here. And if you’re really like me, then it probably even makes you a little angry/jealous seeing those around you get to spend that day with their mom. And that is okay.
Truth be told, I have found myself avoiding the card aisle in any store around this time of year because the urge to knock every single Mother’s Day card off the shelves in a heat of rage is at an all-time high. And let’s be honest, they’d either put me in jail or a straight jacket and that doesn’t do anyone any good.
We knew my mom had an incurable, terminal cancer for almost 4 years before she passed. We had four Mother’s Days of not knowing if it would be the last one, so we made them extremely special. However, what I didn’t think about is what it would actually feel like when she was gone.
What did it feel like? What does it feel like?
It wrecked me and it still tends to.
I am a mom to a sweet, rambunctious little boy who loves to bring home his hand-crafted Mother’s Day presents with pride and joy for this day. It absolutely melts my heart and fills it to run over with love for him and who he is. However… and I say this delicately… being a mom on Mother’s Day does not replace having your mom on Mother’s Day.
It is beautiful and special in its own way, but it in no way is a substitution for her not being physically here with you. Period.
So what do we (the collective group of motherless daughters) do? Let me remind you, and myself, of something very important:
She is with you.
When you walk down the aisle on your wedding day.
When you sip your coffee on the porch in the early morning hours.
When your children are running amok, making your eye twitch.
When you lay awake at night letting the tears fall.
When you uncontrollably laugh because something is just so funny.
When you look in the mirror and smile because you see her in you.
And on Mother’s Day when you so long to celebrate her…She is with you.
You are allowed to walk through this day however you feel fit. Whether that’s celebrating or avoiding. YOU get to choose how you feel and what you do on this day. But never, never forget… she is always, always with you, friend.