The Real Secret to Aging Gracefully

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It’s 2022. You’re flipping through Instagram and admiring these flawless moms. No wrinkles, no stress, and no momma pooch. You wonder, ‘How can I achieve this level of a goddess?’ Well, I have some amazing news for you, I know the secrets! The foolproof plan for aging gracefully in an anti-aging world.

1. Be rich. This is such an easy one and why I recommend it to be the first step! How do you get rich? I usually suggest marrying someone who will accept you as a trophy wife.  Just understand you can’t work. working takes away precious time that can be used for more important things like finding a rich spouse. 

2. If being rich is too difficult, try faking it. This one is a little more difficult. You can’t afford the botox or Gucci handbags. You can however afford filters and debt. No one has to know! Just never leave your house and always keep that Amazon cart full.

3. Be skinny. You need to look like postpartum lasted for two weeks. This involves eating 900 calories a day and attending the most expensive Pilates classes available. If you don’t show up in anything less than Lululemon what’s the point? Those humblebrags will be useless without the flex!

4. This one is a bit difficult but is vital in aging by today’s standards. You need to pretend you don’t have kids. This means we can’t see them in your socials. Except when that amazing new TikTok trend comes up, then you are allowed to show them off. After that, they need to be zoning out on Bluey and eating Goldfish crackers. You’re a busy mom and you have an image to protect. I call it the CKBB method. No messy cars, kitchens, buns, or beds. If any of these show up on your IG then call it quits now.

5. This isn’t always the most ideal step but it is my favorite. Stop giving a $#!%. Stop scrolling mindlessly at the fake perfection. Stop pinching your stomach in the mirror wondering how you can get like Chrissy Teigen. Stop wondering if anyone noticed your two-day-old mascara smudged under your eye because your toddler is refusing sleep and you haven’t had time for self-care. Stop stressing over the fact you had a slice of pizza for breakfast because you’re exhausted from getting the kids to eat one bite of something that isn’t pure sugar. Stop comparing yourself. Stop letting reality stars sell you lies about what being a mom should look like. Just…breathe.

Being a goddess isn’t a fabricated image created online. Being a goddess is loving yourself because your children are watching. The only way we can truly age gracefully is by AGING. Let them see a confident mom. They don’t care how much time you spend staring at those pictures you took back in your 20s wondering when the dark circles and bags showed up. Let the impossible expectations stop with them.

6. Have you tried Photoshop? 

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Hi! I’m Jessie! Born and raised in Central Oklahoma, I am currently enjoying suburban life with my toddler, husband, and a sweet little terrier. I love diving into anything nerdy from engaging in a fantasy novel to playing a tabletop game with friends. I love to make people laugh. Catch me watching a football game, making cookies, or painting dinosaurs with my daughter. My struggles once defined me, but now they help mold me. I want to lift fellow mothers who silently suffer in the shadows. Chronic illness and pain are invisible, but very real. Our battles are tough, but our resolve is strong. You’ll never see me hide my tears, and neither should you.

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