Sometimes, I’m Not a Nice Mommy

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Today my patience was shorter than my toddler.
My kindness paled in comparison with the tantrums.
And there wasn’t quite enough Zoloft to give me peace.

Today was another day in isolation.

I always say that marriage is a mirror and parenthood makes it clearer. I am cognizant of my shortcomings and the last few months of social distancing have clarified what I already
suspected: sometimes I am not a nice mommy. I find myself annoyed when they’re too loud, suspicious when they’re too quiet, and constantly saying, “in a minute, I’m busy right now.”

I want them to entertain themselves because I’m tired and I’m worn out which leads to
becoming frustrated.

As an only child, I greatly enjoyed solitude and as a mom, I’m discovering that my children, gifts from God that they are, don’t prioritize solitude. My therapist pinpointed that I don’t need much to function at an optimal level, but just because it isn’t much doesn’t mean it isn’t important. I need 8 hours of sleep, 1 hour of alone time in my house per week, time spent outside, and lots of water. Those things help me to maintain my mental health.

I, like many moms, can get so busy making sure that each person has what they need that I oftentimes neglect what I need. I realized that Not Nice Mommy is the direct result of
Healthy Mommy neglecting to put on her own oxygen mask before helping someone else
with theirs.

As I type this, the babysitter is here, praise God for her, and I’m about to get in my car to
find coffee and do some things alone: listen to nostalgic music from high school, journal and pray, and then buy myself lunch. When I get back in a few hours I hope to be refreshed. I hope to be kinder and more patient because I hit reset on my needs and can happily serve my family.

What keeps you healthy? How can you maintain it during the pandemic?

 

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