“Which one of you is the best friend?” Neither.
“Are you the aunt?” Nope.
“Did you pick them out from the orphanage?” No.
“Which one of you is the REAL mom?” Both of us.
These are all actual questions my wife and I have been asked — and most of the time, these are asked in front of our kids. We absolutely understand the curiosity; our family isn’t set up like the traditional one mom, one dad, 2.5 kids family you always hear about.
Instead, we have two moms, three adopted kids, and one biological kid. But sometimes, those questions are hard.
When our oldest three first came to us through foster care, they immediately designated us “Mommy” and “Momma.” Even now, we ask them what they think about having two moms, and they all lovingly answer, “It’s great!” We’ve instilled in them the lesson that every single family is different—some have two moms, some have two dads, some have a mom and a dad, some have just a dad, some have grandparents.
It’s a beautiful lesson that our four children have already learned, and it helps them see the world in a much less judgmental way.
Sure, there are those heart-wrenching times when our oldest tells us she wishes she had a dad. There were the times when our two boys thought their uncle was their dad. And there are our oldest three kids’ birth certificates where I am listed as the father.
There are also the times our children are proud of having two moms. I was at our oldest daughter’s school one day and she introduced me to one of her friends. Her friend said, “That’s not your mom, your mom had glasses.” Our daughter proudly smiled and told her friend, “I have TWO moms!” On the good days and on the hard days, our children go to bed every night knowing deep within their hearts how loved they are. They are told every single day that I love being their Mommy and that Momma loves them more than all the stars in the sky.
Answering the questions of strangers can be difficult – we might feel put on the spot, feel a little bit offended, or feel concerned about what our children might have heard.
But, the parts that make every single thing worth it are seeing our oldest daughter score a goal in soccer and immediately look for both of her moms in the crowd, watching a movie together with our older son going back and forth between both of his moms for snuggles, seeing our younger son’s face beam with pride when he saw both of his moms there for his student-of-the-month assembly, and watching our youngest daughter dance around the house imitating both of her moms’ embarrassing moves. Our four amazing children are growing up happy, healthy, and surrounded by love, and that’s enough to make any journey beyond worthwhile.
Yes, we are a two-mom family. We are a two-mom family with four kids that know their worth, have a secure home, feel loved no matter what, and can grow to be whoever they need to be. Our two-mom family is really not that different from yours—we are just a little more in love with the rainbow.
Teighynne is a SAHM to Malynne (7), Harding (6), Foster (5), and Brighton (2). Prior to becoming a SAHM, she co-wrote a children’s book that teaches kids to protect themselves from abuse. She has been married to her wife, Mallory, since 2015 and they live in Edmond. Teighynne loves traveling with her family, singing off-key, and re-watching The Fosters.