We all have them.
Do me a favor. Stop. Re-read that sentence. Ok, now read it again. One more time, and emphasize the ALL.
We ALL have them. The days of motherhood that make you question everything you are doing in every single area of your life. Why did I have these kids? Why do I try? Why can’t I figure this out? The days that make you want to hide in your closet with two (or three) bottles of wine and a never-ending supply of chocolate because OHMYGOSH if you hear a whiny “mom” ONE more time. The days that make you feel like you are doing this mothering thing ALL wrong, while everyone else has it all figured out and your children will clearly end up laying on a couch telling a therapist about their psycho mother one day.
Will you focus on that for just a minute? You are so not alone, momma.
We ALL have those days. Social media has convinced us that we are alone in these struggles and it is the most damaging thing mothers face. We cast judgment and point fingers and are doing nothing to unite us together as moms.
HEAR ME. YOU are NOT alone. I have never met a woman who spouts, “being a mother is the easiest thing I’ve ever done”. If I ever do meet that woman, I will know she’s a liar. This is hard. We are talking about raising the future generation. We have 18 years to instill integrity, trust, honesty, work ethic, morals, kindness, patience, etc., in these tiny humans. I cannot think of a more difficult task. We have to be more open about what we’re going through, so we can be a generation of mothers who lift each other up during the hard times, rather than throw the sucker punch and tear a mom down when she’s hurting.
Can I be honest here and talk about one of my recent hard days? I screamed at my daughter. Not just yelled, not just raised my voice, wasn’t just stern with her – I screamed. And I’ve never felt like a smaller person, ever. Let’s state the obvious here, I know it was wrong. I never want to willfully scream at my daughter. But it happened. We had a hard day, I was stressed to the max and I snapped. There are no excuses, and I’m certain a handful of you are judging me for it, but I won’t pretend like I’m perfect. I mess up. I lose sight of what my purpose is with my children; and I fail.
I want to leave you with some truths. Because, we all need to be reminded of them. These are true – whether or not you feel them and whether or not your day reflected them. So hold tight to these momma – store them away in your heart – because this won’t be your last hard day.
A Hard Day Does NOT Make You a Bad Mother – It doesn’t. Acknowledging hard days, accepting that they exist and vowing to do better tomorrow? That makes you an amazing mother.
Your Child Needs to See You Make Mistakes – and then gracefully ask for forgiveness. There is not a better teaching tool than example. I told my daughter how sorry I was for yelling at her, and modeled for her a healthy way to apologize. We both need those experiences.
You Were Made to be Your Child’s Mother – I’m not supposed to be your kid’s mother. I would do a terrible job. You are the ONLY person called to the role, and you are doing an amazing job. You love your child more than anyone else in the world does and that is the best that you can do.
Forgiving Yourself and Trying Again Tomorrow is a Beautiful Thing – do not sit in pity. Do not self-loathe. Do NOT compare yourself to other moms. Forgive yourself, momma. Be honest about your struggles. Ask for help with a safe person.
You Are An Amazing Mother. Never forget it.