‘Tis The Season of the Lazy Libido



Precisely 4 years ago, I was a put together wife who was full of energy and had a pretty rockin’ libido to go along. Ya know, pre-conception. Hello… pregnancy didn’t happen during a lazy season!

Then, it hit – pregnancy fatigue. And somehow 4 years later here I am, more fatigued than I ever thought possible.

Where in the world did my libido go? Is it in the bottom of the lingerie drawer that was filled on our wedding night but hasn’t been touched in years? Is it under the pile of laundry that never ends? Or is it lying deep inside this overly fatigued body screaming to get out? Regardless, I hope I find it soon.

I dream of getting my rockin’ libido back but I cannot for the life of me dig deep enough to retrieve it. I’m exhausted. Sure, I want to be more intimate with my husband and fulfill his every desire. But the truth is those are simply wants and I don’t always have the energy to fulfill them. We’re in a season of life where sometimes just meeting all of the needs is asking too much from the weary.

Through every parenting phase, I tell myself I’ll have more energy and therefore my libido will get a boost. It’ll happen, “after I quit breast feeding, after the kids start sleeping through the night, after, after, after”. There is always another “after”. 

I know “sex is an important factor in marriage” and we’re having sex – just less than we’d prefer. Usually sex doesn’t even begin with me “wanting” it.  It begins with me choosing to take the time for us even when it may seem like a burden. Sex is fun, romantic, sensual and quite the stress reliever, but it takes effort that I don’t always feel like giving. Then I remember: I’d really like the opportunity to have another child one day and that isn’t happening if we get stuck in this season.

Like all seasons of marriage and parenthood, the season of the lazy libido will evolve into something else. After all, they say a woman’s sexual peak is age 30. According to those statistics, I may have some hope after all.


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