This Is Foster Care

It was 4 a.m.

The house was quiet, and the rest of my family was sleeping peacefully.

However despite my state of pure exhaustion, I was wide awake and comforting the cries of the tiniest newborn that I’ve ever held.

The baby snuggled up to my neck and was immediately comforted by my voice and touch and stopped crying.

I soaked in his fresh newborn smell and opened a package of bottles that I had picked up from the store only hours before.

You see, instead of having the typical nine months to prep for a baby, we had mere hours to get prepared for the arrival of this particular newborn.

As I snuggled him and made his bottle, I was instantly reminded that while I’m his comforter and caregiver now, I’m not naive to the fact that he’s not mine to keep.

You see, I’m raising a baby that I likely won’t see celebrate his first birthday. I may never watch him grow into the terrible two’s. I probably won’t be there for his first day of school. I may miss his first steps. I may miss his first words, and I probably will never teach him to ride a bike or see him play t-ball.

And this is one of the realities of foster care.

We are pretty new to the foster care world, but I’ve quickly learned that there are so many aspects of foster care that I hadn’t known about or understood. The realities of real life foster care are drastically different than what’s seen in the movies or talked about many times on the news.

Foster care is listening to a tiny girl sob uncontrollably at night asking where her mommy is.

Foster care is pricing home renovations and looking at budgets because I know we need a few more bedrooms so badly.

Foster care is watching my nine-year-old cry at the heaviness of listening to a child miss and worry about their sibling.

Foster care is the joy of watching a baby’s first smile and feeling a tinge of sadness knowing his mother is missing these moments.

Foster care is getting calls in the middle of the night and knowing the trauma is more than we’re equipped to handle – and feeling guilty saying no.

Foster care is having a cold, scared child dropped off with nothing but the dirty clothes on her back and a pair of worn out sandals in the middle of a frigid October night.

Foster care is appointments and visits followed by more appointments. It’s looking at my calendar and wondering how I can fit it all in.

Foster care is being overwhelmed with the love and generosity of friends who provide so much support and help during this crazy journey.

Foster care is laughing and playing Barbies all day with a child who was a complete stranger days before.

Foster care is being tired and wondering if I can do it. It’s reminding myself of Galatians 6:9 (“And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap, if we do not lose heart”) over and over again when things get too hard.

Foster care is hearing people say constantly that they could never foster because they’d get too attached, all while knowing that’s exactly what these kids need. Someone to take a chance on them and to get “too attached”.

Ultimately being a foster parent has grown me and changed me. It’s stretched me and made me a less selfish person.

So for now, I’ll continue to comfort our newborn’s cries, lose sleep, and worry about this precious soul as if he’s my own kid even though he’s not mine to keep.

Because that is foster care.