Have twins they said. It will be fun, they said.
Okay, actually no one said that and we obviously had zero choice in the matter, but from the day I heard the words, “oh good, it’s ONLY twins,” my world was rocked.
The morning (all day) sickness was unreal, lasting all the way up until I threw up my banana and yogurt breakfast in the Lowe’s bathroom on the day they were born.
“The newborn phase is the hardest” veteran twin moms told me. Friends. That was a lie. Do you know what newborn twins don’t do? They don’t move. They don’t talk. They don’t fight. It was a magical time.
I’m here to debunk some common myths about twin life, especially in this toddler phase mine are currently in. I can only hope that this is the hardest phase of twin life (and I have backup plans to send them each to an aunt in their teen years just in case.)
Myth 1: Two for the price of one!
Guess what? The hospital charged me for TWO NICU beds, not one. They haven’t shared a single thing since the minute they came out of me, with the exception of each other’s germs. While we attempt to promote sharing in our household, you will find some doubles around here for the sake of my own sanity. Was I THAT mom who said, “Oh, I’m not buying two of everything?” I think you know the answer.
Myth 2: Double the snuggles!
I wouldn’t really call this snuggling. I would call it Toddler Fight Club. It starts when I innocently (and stupidly) attempt to sit down. The twins are maybe nicely playing with their older brother for once. Inevitably, one notices me sitting, attempting to sneakily slide my phone out of my pocket for a quick Instagram check. Twin number one rushes over and sweetly says, “lap please!” However, this draws the attention of the other, who immediately also has to be sitting on my lap this very second. I know it won’t surprise you to find out that the end result of this scenario ISN’T a twin sitting sweetly on each knee while we snuggle.
Myth 3: The twin bond
Maybe this happens later, but my current situation is my daughter crying almost every single time her brother goes near her. To be fair, he’s usually about to whack her with the closest toy. The only “bond” I see is 100% used to cause trouble together. We are in a phase of life where I truly cannot look away for more than a second and I often feel like I can’t even blink without having to run interference on a huge mess that is about to happen or someone’s fingers being closed in whatever door that one wants open and of course the other wants to be closed.
If you’re a twin mom feeling like you’ve been blindsided and thrown into a life no one adequately prepared you for, you’re not alone. May I recommend a Panera coffee subscription and a really good babysitter.