The Four Worst Things About Groups on Facebook

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I won’t sugarcoat this. Very few things lead me down a red-faced rage-filled trail of technological despair like people I don’t know saying crazy stuff on the internet.

I know, I know… relax… stop worrying about things you can’t control, right?

The problem is this: I’m an eight. I’m a HARD eight. No wings. Straight. Eight. If you don’t know what that means, read a little bit about enneagrams and you’ll tippy-toe into the shallow end of understanding it.

I thrive on challenging things that are either incorrect, or that I just disagree with, and there are a few things that do not belong in Facebook groups. Here are my top 4:

Thank you, Village peeps. This thread really was a quality one.

1. “Was that a gunshot?”

YES, CECILIA, IT WAS CERTAINLY A GUNSHOT. No, actually, it probably wasn’t. And if you seriously have that question to ask, please call 911 and relay your location and other pertinent information to a dispatcher, instead of posting about it on social media. The former first responder in me cringes every single time, knowing that a miles-long conversation thread is about to start, when a dispatcher and the responding  officers could certainly use the information you have to share. Along with this one go the runner-up “Why are the helicopters hovering over my house?!” and “The cops are at 123 Main Street! What’s going on?!” Please stop.

2. People asking for business recommendations that “don’t cost an arm and a leg”.

You wanna know what doesn’t cost an arm and a leg? Crap. We’re still in the middle of a global pandemic, and people are trying to survive. If you want a quality photographer, crafter, plumber, hairstylist, or meal-prep service, prepare to pay appropriately for it. If you want all of that for cheap, head to Walmart – they sell everything for you to do all of that yourself without losing any valuable appendages. And really? Do you want a mobile petting zoo on the cheap? I CANNOT. If it’s really that serious, ask your personal friends or family members for recommendations on people they’ve personally used. Asking a FB group of 50k strangers doesn’t really give you any great suggestions. 

3. People posting fundraising links.

This one will most likely land me in the bah humbug group of the next project, but it’s exhausting. I don’t know your friend Daphne, or her dog, Maverick, that apparently needs his left front leg removed due to a tumor. I don’t know either one of them. Please stop.

4. People posting pictures of their kid’s rash and asking for specific medical advice from strangers.

Please see a medical professional. Asking a group of strangers about Liam’s puss-filled toe fungus will most likely lead to 150+ answers running the full spectrum from “Be a better mom and bathe him!” to “That looks like toenail cancer”. No matter what, you most likely won’t get the peace of mind that comes with dedicated medical advice. Also, Lillian, that’s pretty gross. 

What did I miss? Besides the 400 other annoying things you have to sort through to get to quality content?? 

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Kelli is a native Okie with a larger-than-life personality and an unhealthy dose of sarcasm. She married Bobby in 2011, and they welcomed daughter, Maevyn, in 2013. Maevyn is autistic, and every day is a new adventure in discovering how her unique mind works. Life on their NE Oklahoma City acreage is never dull, and they enjoy RV camping and Sooner football. Kelli is a former law enforcement officer who now works full-time at the Oklahoma Highway Safety Office facilitating programs that keep people safe on our roadways. She also enjoys consulting for Beautycounter, advocating for tougher legislation in the US beauty industry, stifling inappropriate profanity, managing her RBF, looking for the nearest restroom, and trying not to sing Disney songs out loud in public.

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