Being a mama to 2.5 year old twins brings along a lot of adventure, joy, love and – of course – it’s own set of challenges. I never realized how much effort things would take, sure they’d be more difficult but the logistics are SO much more than one can imagine. When you have multiples the questions are endless, the stares effortless and the attention continuous and that’s perfectly okay – but I’m here to give you some insight so that the next time we encounter each other it can be easier on all of us.
1.) It’s okay to ask me questions, just keep them simple.
I’m sure you’ve read the posts about all the questions you shouldn’t ask a mom of multiples, but I’m here to tell you we’re not all bothered by them. In fact, I enjoy talking about my kids, as do many other moms of multiples, but there are some questions that you should simply avoid. That is, any question referring to fertility or the type of delivery I had. It’s just none of your business and it’s quite awkward being asked by a stranger in the middle of Target if my babies are “natural or IVF” or if I had them vaginally or via cesarean. It’s also a good idea to avoid any question or comment that can be taken offensively such as questions about differences in development, size or skin color. Helpful advice: Boy/girl twins cannot be identical, hence the different sexes. Also, please don’t keep me long. My kiddos don’t enjoy our conversation as much as I do; let’s keep it short and sweet.
2.) Be generous. Please.
Going places with multiples takes a lot of patience, work and a perfect alignment of stars. I beg you to please give me a hand when needed. If while getting your shopping cart you notice me doing the same, please offer to let me have the double shopping cart if you only have one child. If you’re walking into the restroom with your singleton and you see us, please let us go into the larger stall. I don’t expect you to give me special treatment because I have twins, I just expect you to be kind and give me a hand up. I promise to always do the same to anyone with more kiddos than myself.
3.) Quit comparing yourself to me.
Yes, having twins is a lot of work. I also couldn’t imagine having twins, until it happened. Just because you have a singleton doesn’t mean that you’re any less of a “super mom”. Having two babies has it’s challenges but it’s one of the greatest challenges ever. The fact that I have twins doesn’t make your struggles any easier, so quit comparing yourself to me. I appreciate you acknowledging my hard work but don’t undermine yourself in the process. We’re all rock stars.
4.) Don’t give me the side eye.
Please don’t look at me like I’m crazy when the world comes crumbling down around us in public. I’m doing my best, as are you, but with two little ones the same age. Shoot me a smile and keep walking or help me if I look like I need it and believe me, chances are I do. Please don’t mistake help for advice though, I promise I don’t need any advice from you in a moment of chaos.
5.) Friends and family, quit offering to help and just do it.
As a strong independent woman, I tend not to ask for or even accept help the first time it’s offered. Instead of offering to bring dinner, just send me a text asking if a specific date and time is okay and come through. If you are interested in coming over to hold the babies while I shower, please just tell me when you’d like to do so and show up. It really does take a village and I appreciate each and every one of you.