It doesn’t take long. Baby 2 (and beyond) comes along and as soon as they are mobile and able to take big brother/sister’s stuff, it’s on like donkey kong.
They were so sweet for those first months, weren’t they? Snuggling up together, making each other giggle and smile. So many instagram-able moments. But alas, those days have passed and we are on to bigger, better things; things I like to refer to as “Sibling Fight Club”. The title makes it sound more exciting and enjoyable than reality as to trick myself into not losing my ever-loving mind. So with my vast experience gained from my 4 ½ and 2 year-old, here are my best tips for surviving SFC.
Tip #1- Disappear
Feistiness is escalating, play is getting rough… what are you gonna do? HIDE! Bathroom, closet, in a kitchen cabinet… get creative! If the heathens are searching for you in order to tattle, they will be so thrown off by your disappearance that they will actually join forces with their nemesis. An alternate version to this tip would be to ditch your spouse and go over to the elderly neighbor’s house to help unload her groceries. Who can look down on a good deed??
Tip #2- Monitor screams
This tip can be used in conjunction with disappearing. Stay hidden but keep your ears perked for the screeches and screams outlined below:
- Happy squeal- low risk, quickly followed by any of the other higher levels.
- Warning squawk- used by younger sibling instead of the words you are teaching them to use.
- Stage 1 scream- usually a headlock or being restrained with moderate force.
- Stage 2- a hair-pull, pinch, or some other low-blow.
- Fruscream- a sub-level between 2 and 3 that involves an explosion of frustration ending in tears
- Stage 3- scratching and possible small, bandagable wounds.
- Stage 4- bloodshed, broken bones, and gouged eyes. Step in BEFORE this stage. Obvi.
Tip #3- Place your bets
Best used in scenarios with 3 or more children, placing bets is a great way for parents to put a positive spin on the chaos happening in their home. Who doesn’t want to take their greatest frustration and use it for profit!? Some things to take into consideration when placing your bets:
- Have any of the children had recent growth spurts?
- Have you been secretly training one or multiple children in the basement for SFC?
- Do any of the children act spontaneously, giving them a sneaky edge over their competition?
- Which child would you want with you in a fight-or-flight scenario?
- Are any of the kids past due for nail/toenail clipping?
After choosing which child to place your bets on, decide on the stakes. Ideas include, but are not limited to: undesirable chores around the house, foot massages, bedroom favors, and of course, straight up cash. May the odds be ever in your favor.
Tip #4- Public shaming
I wish I could take credit for this tip, however my children are under the effective age so this one is actually from a friend. Around school age kids start developing the caring-what-their-friends-think-node and we parents can (and SHOULD) use it to our advantage. I would reserve tip #4 for particularly bad SFC throwdowns, as it requires extra effort on your part and also loses its effectiveness with repetition. Public shaming can be done in many ways, but one of my favorites is pictured below: the I love my brother/sister t-shirt.
No losers in this round kiddos, only winners and hearts and rainbows and LOTS OF HUGS. Sweet, right??
I sure hope you find my 4 EXPERT survival tips helpful in the escapades that take place in your home. Sibling Fight Club doesn’t have to bring you down, my friends! It’s time to take back control of the arena and stop letting the little people defeat us. Join me and regain the sanity we have lost and show SFC that we can no longer be phased by their screams and radical antics! DING DING DINGGGGG!
[…] Plus it gives you, the headmaster, some much needed quiet time before the next inevitable sibling fight. […]