7 Reasons Why Your Stretchmarks Are SEXY

1

Untitled design (2)

Ah, summer.

The season for BBQs, pool parties, iced tea, and of course, the dreaded swim suit.

If you’re a mom you probably approach this season with the same excitement you have for getting your teeth pulled.   Between the baby fat and the craters and crevices making up the landscape that is the post pregnancy tummy, it’s hard to get excited about squeezing into some thin pieces of fabric that expose all post baby glory to the world.  It’s hard to feel sexy when you have a map of the world etched across your midriff.

But you know what, ladies?  It’s time to #loveyourlines because stretchmarks are sexy.

 

7 REASONS STRETCHMARKS ARE SEXY

1. Stretchmarks are basically battle scars.

That’s right. Battle scars.  I have been to battle with an alien inside me.  I was kicked, stretched, punched, and mutilated.  My insides were crushed and even fractured.  I never backed down, never gave up. I battled through. And survived.  Who does that?? Bad A warriors, that’s who. And warriors are sexy.

2. Stretchmarks are more hardcore than a six pack.

Oh, you worked out for two hours to get chiseled abs like that? How nice.  I carried a nine pound watermelon around in my stomach for nine months while wearing heels.  Boom. Now that is hardcore and hardcore is sexy.

3. Stretchmarks turn an ordinary woman into a superhero.

Superman has a cape and can fly.  Spiderman has his spider web hands and can scale buildings.  Batman has a suit of armor and can take out any villain with a single SMASH! BAM! Or KAPOW!  All super powers, to be sure.  But can any of them create life? No? Well I can. And did. Six times. Living, breathing LIFE. That’s crazy superhero powers.  And superhero powers are sexy.

4. Stretchmarks are natural tattoos. 

People will pay hundreds of dollars to have a tattoo burned onto their skin.  Butterflies.  A sports emblem.  Their ex’s name.  Why? Because tattoos are very sexy. Well, I’ve got one of the sexiest tattoos EVER. Purple zebra stripes, white leopard spots, shiny crocodile scales, and the shape of an elephant’s tusk around my midsection. It’s a giant African safari on my stomach.  Tattoos are sexy. African safaris are sexy. So that’s like double sexiness. Dang, that’s a lot of sexy.

5. Stretchmarks come from sex. 

Stretchmarks come from babies.  And babies come from “doing it”.  A little hanky panky.  Rolling in the hay. The side ways tango. Sex. And sex is definitely sexy.

6. Stretchmarks share a love story.  

Behind every stretchmark is a love story. Passion. Excitement. Tears. Selflessness. And drama. Love stories are sexy, or at least can lead to sexy if watched on a couch with low lighting and lots of back rubbing.  And we’ve already covered that.

7. Stretchmarks are the ultimate mark of femininity. 

They make a woman a woman.  They show strength.  They show courage.  They show power. And that is so very, very sexy.

The world may not be ready for the amount of sexy that stretchmarks are, mamas.  But it’s time we showed them.  Because they are beautiful.

So love your lines, ladies.  They are truly SEXY.

Okay, mamas, it’s time to show us your sexy! Take a picture of your lines and proudly post them to our page with the tag #loveyourlines.

Previous articleLife Lessons My Mother Taught Me
Next articleFor the Mom Dealing with Tough Crap
Avatar
Hey all! I’m “mommy” to six kids and “babe” to their incredible dad. But my friends just call me Shilah. I am a “native” transplant to Oklahoma, meaning I was born in Norman (BOOMER SOONER, baby!) but grew up an army brat moving from place to place. I spent most of my “growing” years in Maryland, where I graduated from high school and college and met my husband who was a marine stationed at the Naval Academy at the time. I knew I was going to marry him five minutes into our first date, and actually told him that our second date. Surprisingly, he didn’t call me for a third date…..When he moved to Arizona to become a police officer, I stalked, I mean, moved there too. It took me three more years to convince him that he was NEVER going to get rid of me. We were married in 2005. A decade and several moves later, we are six kids heavier and about one spilled drink away from the insane asylum most days. I homeschool our children, “ages” moody (preteen), goofy (9), sensitive (6), sassy (3), busy (1), and toothy (9 months). My husband works crazy hours as an Oklahoma City police officer. I am extremely proud to be a law enforcement officer’s wife but it can be a lonely, scary title to bear at times. However, I love a man in uniform and still think he’s HOT. Our life is a beautiful mess of structure and chaos. And our family motto is to make weird look awesome. When I’m not bribing kids to do their school work or changing another diaper, I like to breathe and sleep. And if I have time after that maybe read a book or write. I listen to Christmas music all year long, love the color yellow and lighting things on fire (legally, of course). I absolutely hate onions, cooking, and being cold. I can be very OCD about everything, which works really well with six kids. Not. I believe in time outs and have been known to put myself in one from time to time. When I grow up, I would love to write a book, own a Christmas tree farm, and have a bull in the rodeo circuit.

1 COMMENT

  1. Stretch marks are the ABSOLUTELY SEXIEST thing around. A “baby tummy” is the ultimate definition of a sexy woman. Never hide them. Some men like me just can’t resist them!

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here