Do you remember your first thought after you discovered you were pregnant for the first time? I remember the surprise and excitement mixed with fear and denial. Because even though I was married, our first child wasn’t planned. However, when we saw those two pink lines and discovered I was pregnant with our second child, my heart burst with joy and excitement.
My husband and I always knew we wanted two children. I don’t come from a big family, and my husband only has two other siblings. We always knew that a large family really wasn’t on our radar. When the “V” word finally came up in our conversations, it was always an option that we viewed as happening far out in the future.
However, lately our family just feels complete. Our kids are getting older and starting over with a baby just seems overwhelming. This has led to us having the vasectomy conversation more frequently and, instead of a long way out in the future, the time for the snip-snip appointment is quickly approaching.
Honestly, I could have had my tubes tied during my last c-section. But I wasn’t ready to let go. How do you really ever know for sure that you’re ready to let go of the option to have more babies? Trying to figure out if our family is complete has led me on a roller coaster of emotions.
Am I being selfish?
I have started focusing on bettering myself. I now go to school part time, and it has been amazing to invest in myself again. I believe I am ready to go back to school full time, which would make having another child nearly impossible. Still, I can’t help but feel a nudge of mom guilt in the back of my mind. Is that a selfish reason to not want to have another child?
Have my motherly instincts gone away?
I love seeing and carrying brand new babies. And that new baby smell is hypnotizing. But that doesn’t make my uterus scream for another baby. It just reminds me of those times and how I miss them…sometimes. I honestly don’t miss the late night feedings and the cracked nipples. I’m done with that, too.
Are we depriving ourselves of another child?
“Do you see yourself having more kids in the future?” I asked my husband while I nervously held my breath. “No!” he said. Hearing those words made me feel better. I am not the only one who’s done, he is done as well. I can speak for my husband that we both enjoy our kids’ ages right now. We are just ready to keep moving forward with this new chapter in our lives.
Can we really afford more kids?
Right now, we are doing fine. My husband is a great provider and he recently changed careers. I’m a stay-at-home mom, and I go to school. Honestly, we wouldn’t be able to afford one more child. It would be too much strain for my husband, and I wouldn’t be able to help him out.
As we close this chapter of our lives, I’m sure we will have a lot of adventures as a family of four. I’m thankful every day I get to enjoy the blessings that God gave us. We have two healthy children to love and take care of.
Maybe this is all I can handle. This is definitely all I can handle. It hasn’t been an easy decision to let go, but we are ready. My husband went to his consultation and got the green light from his doctor. Now, we are just trying to set a date.
So here we go. Officially saying bye to the baby train. Now, please excuse me while I go buy junk food and ice packs for my husband. And just for good measure, I’m going to get a nice bottle of wine for myself.