Raising Our Girls in a Miley Cyrus World

daughters

 

She was beautiful.

Her long, blonde hair was pulled into a messy bun on top of her dainty head. Her skin was golden, evidence of lazy days spent being kissed by the sun.  She was thin but fit, maybe a runner or dancer.  Her string bikini, with the word CORONA etched on the rear, was white and left little to the imagination. Hips swaying, chest pushed out, she walked with a purpose and a confidence that demanded to be noticed.  My kids were playing in the kiddie pool in front of me but I glanced away from them to catch one more look at her as she passed.  And I felt a sudden heavy sadness.

Why?

Because she was maybe 12.

I don’t know when it happened or where we went wrong as a “village” but somehow we let the innocence of our daughters be stripped away. From makeup marketed to preteens to revealing clothing designed for teens, and the sexualization of girls in songs, television, and movies, our daughters have been forced to grow up way before their time.  We have given our society permission to define their worth.  And their worth, at least by the media’s standards, grows as their skirts get shorter and their blouses get more see through and lower cut.

We live in a society that seems to hate little girls.

Oh, we dress them in pretty princess dresses and parade them around and gush and gah over how precious and cute and sweet they are.  We tell them beauty is what’s inside a person and that they can be and do anything they want; that they can change the world.

But then we inundate them with sex and the power it seems to give them over others. We let them believe their worth is in a perfect face and sexy body.  We give them “role models” like Ariana Grande, Miley Cyrus, and Katy Perry; young women who use their sexuality to control, manipulate and shock. We buy them magazines full of scantily dressed teens with articles on how to get the boy, how to impress the boy, how to keep the boy.  We allow the clothing industry to make padded bathing suits for 8 year olds and skimpy underwear for 13 year olds.  Lingerie stores that used to market only to adult women are now offering teen inspired lines, with flirty sayings like “Call Me” and “Feeling Lucky?” splashed across the front and back.

The media screams sex, Sex, SEX!

But we remain silent.

We have fed them nothing but a bunch of garbage and photoshopped lies.

And we have let our girls, our daughters, down.

I have three daughters, the oldest being an impressionable preteen.  I want so badly to shelter her, them, from the message society is screaming. I want to keep them close to me and hide them from the lies that are advertised all around them.  I want them to see their worth, their true worth,  not only to themselves but to our family and the community we live in.  I want them to know they are more precious than any ruby or diamond.  I want them to know that they are worth more than gold.

And I imagine that is exactly what most other moms want for their daughters.

If we want to raise daughters that are worth more than gold, then we have to treat them like they are priceless. We have to protect them, physically and mentally,  like they are more precious than any gem.  Starting, intentionally, in our own homes and communities.

So, how do we raise “Worth More Than Gold” girls in a Miley Cyrus World?:

1. Start when she is young. Teach her what it means to be precious then treat her like she is.  Celebrate her innocence and keep her there for as long as you can.  Dress her like the child she is meant to be.  Give her toys that celebrate her age.  Watch television shows and movies that embrace adventure and discovery and character.  Listen to music that uplifts and builds confidence positively. Feed her imagination with childhood wonder.  Let her be little.

2. Give her positive role models. There are so many amazing young women in our world, role models that need to be celebrated and esteemed. Sadie Robertson, Misty Copeland, Britt Nicole. They are musicians, artists, designers, inventers, and leaders. Find one that speaks to your daughter’s talents and passions.  And then let her dream.

3. Value character over appearance. We should tell her she is beautiful just as she is.  But we also need to tell her she is smart, funny, caring, generous, talented, unique, worthy, treasured, sacred… a jem.  Encourage her to be her own kind of beautiful and to celebrate the uniqueness of others.

4. Fight society’s message of “sex sells”.  Get the gloves out, moms, because this one is so important.  Change the radio station. Monitor what she watches and reads. I even have one friend who turns magazines over while she and her daughters are standing in the check out line. Be intentional and involved.  “Sex” only sells if we buy it.  Stop buying it.

5. Surround her with a tribe of strong positive women. She needs positive role models. But she also needs real role models.  Give them to her.  Surround her with beautiful women from all walks of life…..grandmas, teens, young women, mothers, aunts, friends.  Women who live like they are priceless and can feed her truths about what it means to be strong and beautiful.

6. Raise our boys to be gentlemen.  We need to teach our boys what real beauty is and where it is found, and that it’s not in the size of a woman’s cleavage. We need to teach them how to treat our daughters with the respect and dignity they deserve. If we want to raise daughters of class and grace, we need to raise sons of honor and integrity.

7. Talk to her, no matter how uncomfortable or scary it may be. Keep communication between you and her open and honest. Let her know she can always talk to you. No. Matter. What.  And that you will listen without judgment.

8. Feed her with truth…. She is valuable. She is treasured. She is amazing. She is loved.

We may not be able to change society.  But we can change our homes and communities.  We can save our daughters and all the other beautiful girls in our lives.

It’s time to silence the lies.

It’s time to fight for their innocence.

“The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It’s the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows & the beauty of a woman only grows with passing years.”

Audrey Hepburn

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Shilah Seale
Hey all! I’m “mommy” to six kids and “babe” to their incredible dad. But my friends just call me Shilah. I am a “native” transplant to Oklahoma, meaning I was born in Norman (BOOMER SOONER, baby!) but grew up an army brat moving from place to place. I spent most of my “growing” years in Maryland, where I graduated from high school and college and met my husband who was a marine stationed at the Naval Academy at the time. I knew I was going to marry him five minutes into our first date, and actually told him that our second date. Surprisingly, he didn’t call me for a third date…..When he moved to Arizona to become a police officer, I stalked, I mean, moved there too. It took me three more years to convince him that he was NEVER going to get rid of me. We were married in 2005. A decade and several moves later, we are six kids heavier and about one spilled drink away from the insane asylum most days. I homeschool our children, “ages” moody (preteen), goofy (9), sensitive (6), sassy (3), busy (1), and toothy (9 months). My husband works crazy hours as an Oklahoma City police officer. I am extremely proud to be a law enforcement officer’s wife but it can be a lonely, scary title to bear at times. However, I love a man in uniform and still think he’s HOT. Our life is a beautiful mess of structure and chaos. And our family motto is to make weird look awesome. When I’m not bribing kids to do their school work or changing another diaper, I like to breathe and sleep. And if I have time after that maybe read a book or write. I listen to Christmas music all year long, love the color yellow and lighting things on fire (legally, of course). I absolutely hate onions, cooking, and being cold. I can be very OCD about everything, which works really well with six kids. Not. I believe in time outs and have been known to put myself in one from time to time. When I grow up, I would love to write a book, own a Christmas tree farm, and have a bull in the rodeo circuit.

5 COMMENTS

  1. I agree with your overall message, teach girls that they have more to offer than their looks. However, most of what is listed has to do with beauty. Shouldn’t we be teaching that we have so much more to offer beyond beauty? Perhaps we should change the conversation from “look at what miley cyrus is wearing…” to “Did you hear how much Miley Cyrus donated to organizations that help homeless youth?” THAT is what makes a woman. Or how about instead of focusing on how Emma Watson is the lovable Hermione can we show our daughters that she is the UN Women Goodwill Ambassador and speaks up for feminism and women’s rights. Why doesn’t this article mentioned education, humor, breast feeding, equal pay, negotiation, no apologies, etc. We continue the cycle of focusing on beauty by telling our children what is and what isn’t beautiful. I think Miley Cyrus, Arianna Grande, and other women are beautiful because they are talented women who fought hard (perhaps they used their sexuality, who knows?) to get where they are in a world where women couldn’t even vote 100 years ago. I’m definitely, definitely, definitely not beating the overall message up, I just think we need to take it a step further.

    • Thank you for your comment. I agree with your thoughts. We need to emphasize the acts of a person over the clothing of a person. My intention for this post, however, was to bring to light what I believe is a growing trend in our society…..”sexy” being sold to our young girls. I do think there is a difference between beauty and sexy. I do think we need to promote drawing out all beauty in our girls. But I think we need to fight the oversexualization of our daughters. That is something I feel very strongly about. But yes, we need to teach our daughters that beauty is more about who she is and that would be another great post. Possibly in the future!

      Thanks again for sharing your thoughts.

    • “Why doesn’t this article mentioned education, humor, breast feeding, equal pay, negotiation, no apologies, etc.” You have completely missed the point of this article. The focus here is the over-sexualization of young girls, not feminism. That is another article for another day, and you’re more than welcome to go and write your own. Just because Miley Cyrus knows how to donate money, it doesn’t mean she is a good role model or a good person.

      • Myself being a teenager my thing is basically “you do you” if YOU want to wear pasties and booty shorts go ahead I won’t judge you for it but just know other people will. I think that girls should be able to wear what they want to wear without being sexualized by other people. You can’t expect all girls to want to wear things that cover their stomachs, or cleavage, or shoulders (in a school dress code sense). There will always be girls that WANT go show off there body because they believe that they look good and they are confident and want people to see that, and there will always be girls that will be uncomfortable doing so. I think if you are confident and comfortable with yourself you can do that as long as you are okay with the consequences of others sexualizig you. As long as you know you’re wearing it because you like it I think it is okay. And I come from parents that don’t allow me to dress that way and frankly I wish they would. I want to express myself and what I like by the way I dress. You can’t say that Miley Cyrus is a bad person just because she shows off her body, even if it is just to get up in her career. Young girls need to learn to wear what makes themselves feel good not what makes other people more comfortable, and that inner beauty is all that should actually matter to friends, family, and significant others.

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