No, I Will Not Be Trying For A Boy

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I have two daughters, seven and 16, and over the last many years, well-meaning people have asked or said a mixture of the following things to me.

Are you going to try again for a boy?

Who’s going to protect your daughters?

Your poor husband. He isn’t going to have anyone to do boy things with.

To answer the first question: no, I’m not. My husband and I are so thankful for the two girls we have and couldn’t imagine having another child. We know our mental, physical, and financial limitations, and have planned accordingly. Our two girls have everything they need, plus some. They have had our undivided attention, been able to try any sport and activity they want, and we plan to help them through college or whatever career path they choose to take. There would be limitations if we decided to have more kids, and they weren’t worth the sacrifice to us. Also, I have lady issues and no uterus. So, good luck! 

To the second question, and the one I hate the most. I wish I was kidding when I said that this has been said to me, BUT nobody needs to protect my daughters. They do not need ANY man to protect them. I hope that I raise fierce, strong, capable girls who can take care of themselves. This is an outdated concept that needs to be retired. Being born male doesn’t automatically make you stronger than girls. My girls are just as capable of protecting themselves as any boy. Actually, my oldest would probably be protecting her brother. She does competitive cheer and is the ultimate powerhouse. She’s all muscle, and I’m so jealous!  

To the last statement, you must not know my husband. He is the perfect, feminist, girl dad, and has never treated our girls like they were less capable than boys. We also don’t put our children in socially constricting gender boxes. Over the years, they have played with both “girl” and “boy” toys. If they want to play a traditionally male dominated sport-we will not be the ones to stop them! If they want to be traditionally female and do all the “girly” things-we will not stop that either! If they want to shop in the “boy” clothes section-go for it! Want to buy all the pretty bows? Okay! We would give the same respect to our boys, if we had them.

We want to expose our girls to all the possibilities and let them choose for themselves who and what they want to be. Just because my husband and I fall into more traditional gender stereotypes, by choice, doesn’t mean our kids have to. Gender is a social construct that society has invented. Both boys and girls, are capable of doing all sorts of things, despite what sex they were assigned at birth. 

I also highly encourage you to practice never asking when people are going to have kids or have more kids. You just never know someone’s personal story or struggle. I don’t know how to say this in a nicer way, but it’s none of your business. 

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