For over a year, we patiently sat on that waiting list. Stuck in idle but ready to head off to school. Then, we finally got the call. A spot had opened. We were overjoyed and ready to make the move to the school of our dreams. The downside? School started three months ago. Not only is my child the “new kid,” but also I’m now the “new mom.”
I am normally a pretty confident person. I went to school with the same group of friends my entire life. I was never the “new girl”. So, now being in my thirties and a first-timer at breaking into the “mom club”, I’m straight shaking in my boots.
As we were walking into our new school (late of course), I saw all the moms huddled up in the parking lot. I braced myself as my three-year-old tugged on my right hand and led me inside ready to meet all of his new friends. I carried his lunch pail, school supplies, and a folder of enrollment papers in my left hand. We had “new” tattooed across our foreheads. The moms turned in unison and gave us that quick once-over.
Suddenly, I wished I had gotten up a little earlier to put on makeup.
Secretly, I longed that my threenager would’ve let me pick out his clothes.
I questioned if the other moms could feel my heart beating and sense my nervous smile.
But, more importantly I wondered, was my son picking up on my fear?
All I want is to instill a confidence in him that one day he won’t have this anxiety over meeting new people. That one day he will hold my tiny grandchild’s hand and steer her/him with the utmost poise.
I held his hand as we walked by the cluster of moms and he confidently said, “Hi”!
They smiled, waved back, and wished us good luck on our first day.
Sometimes I get so wrapped up in teaching him things, that I miss the fact he is always teaching me. He doesn’t worry about others’ interpretations of him. He is friendly but cautious. He knows I will hold his hand. Right now, walking beside him, I am giving him the confidence that one day will allow him to let go of my hand and walk into a classroom alone.
I dropped him off in his classroom, fighting back tears as the sting of loneliness hit me like a ton of bricks. Trying to be brave and hide my emotions, I began the walk back to my car. One of the new moms waved and said, “The first day is the hardest. We all go through it!”
Then it really hit me.
Every mom has been there.
Whether new moms in August or new moms in the late fall, we are all dropping off our kids for their first day of school.
So, I’ll be waiting for the next new mom who comes along. Whether she needs a smile or an invite out to lunch, I’ll be there for her. I’ll tell her that I too, sat in my car and cried.
Welcome to the club, mom. Welcome to the club.
