16 Hilarious Momfessions!


These are my Momfessions

Motherhood is a beautiful and wonderful thing, isn’t it? Yes! And no… Much like the act that results in most of us earning our mom-titles, there are often more awkward, gross, or weird moments than there are magical ones. Before we begin, let’s declare this very public internet blog post a “safe place”. No criticism on myself or our fellow sisters who have been brave enough to share their less-than-finest moments. Toss your judgey-panties to the wayside if you choose to continue reading. Also, I will not disclose which of these are my personal confessions and which are my friends’ but have instead chosen to use the blanket pronoun “I”.

Without further adieu, Momfessions:

1. Sometimes I say I showered but what I really mean is that I used 3 baby wipes on my body before I got dressed.

2. Dogs love spit-up. And sometimes you just can’t clean it up as efficiently as they can. So you leave it to the pros. Enough said.

3. “No sweetie, we are out of waffles. I’m sorry!” Nap time: TIME FOR MOM’S WAFFLES!

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4. I may or may not have used the same jar of coconut oil for cooking and diaper rashes a few times. I knew I forgot something on that dang grocery list.

5. Occasionally the ‘volume down’ button on the baby monitor gets used as a snooze button.

6. When money was tight, I LET my kids pay for pizza out of their piggy banks.

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7. I’ve seen my daughter shove food into her car seat and turned a blind eye when she dug for it a few days later, because she’s terrible in the car and I just needed 5 minutes of peace.

8. When I was a brand new mom, I don’t know if it was a hormonal sleep-deprivation thing or what, but I licked that baby’s head like a momma cat. Just once.

9. I’ve taken a parenting sabbatical and ignored an entire day’s worth of bad behaviors due to sheer exhaustion.You do you, kid.

10. When I don’t want to share food with my kids, I tell them they are “foods to help mommy poop.”

11. “Naked wrestling…that’s what your young eyes witnessed…”

12. On rough days bedtime will mysteriously move itself up about 45 minutes so mommy can hit the wine and Netflix early.

-Time for bed, Honey. It's wine o'clock somewhere.

13. My child can only have ONE cookie, but I can have 20- eaten in the closet, the bathroom, or after he goes to bed.

14. I let my son wear his sister’s princess heels in public because I was afraid he would hit me if I took them away.

15. My preschooler knows why I have to change clothes after a big sneeze.

16. The baby wipes that I call my shower also double as my mop, my cleaning washrag, and my duster. This is obsolete

It’s all out there now- so tell me I’m not alone! No one prepared me for the non-glamorous days beyond the newborn photo shoots. There are so many times I laugh at what my life has become because it is filled with ridiculous moments like the examples above. Sure, we cut corners, lie to our children, and ignore things that we don’t feel like dealing with at the moment, but we are NORMAL. As weird and gross as we are, we are doing motherhood in survival mode and sometimes it isn’t attractive or hygienic. Hold tight to the humor of it all, my friends, and we shall laugh our way to less embarrassing days. Eventually.

What momfessions can you add to the list??


    • I swear my kids eat the toilet paper in the house. If we can make it two days on one roll, we’re lucky. And it never fails that I don’t notice we’re out until I’m the one with nothing to wipe with. There’s been several occasions, after yelling for someone and being completely ignored by everyone, that I’ve made do with what was available – a towel, a shirt…a sock. Its horrible, but sometimes, you gotta wing it.

      • Always go to a toilet with a shower in the room! Better use the towel to dry than to clean… 😉 You can also use the carton, it unrolls into at least an usable piece of cleaning surface. That is what summer camps are for, learning how to deal with the perks of sharing the space with other kids/teens with little supervision, it is finally useful when you are a mom (or you live with a man hehehehe sorry, guys!)

      • Oh yeah, I’ve had to flush the toilet and splash myself with the clean water one time because there wasn’t even a tissue in the trash to grab!

      • I may have, once or twice, pulled a somewhat, mostly clean looking tissue out of the trash to use. You know, the one you use to touch up your makeup and then toss, or wiped a booger with, so you just tear of the corner with the booger and use the rest. :/

  1. Great post!! My momfession is that I have used a dirty sock left in my van as a tissue for the kids when they needed to blow their nose. At least I used the top of the sock! Hehe

  2. When I was going to the grocery store one time with the kids in the back seat, a cute guy pulled up in a car next to ours. I told them to duck down so the cops wouldn’t see them because kids weren’t allowed to be on that road. I can’t believe I just admitted that…


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