How I Came to Terms With the Mom I’m Not


With each passing holiday, I become more aware of The Mom I’m Not – the mom I may never be. You see, I’m not the mom who had a birthday cake delivered to the hospital when I gave birth. I’m not the mom who orders special onesies with a matching mom tee for every holiday.

I may never be the mom with the matching holiday outfits. I’m not the mom who remembers to order embroidered Easter baskets and Christmas stockings. Heck, I didn’t even get my kid an Easter basket this year, or buy any eggs for him to hunt. I’m not the mom who throws the best birthdays – in fact, I tried to get out of even throwing a party when my son turned one!

It’s taken me the whole first year of my son’s life to quit feeling guilty about The Mom I’m Not.

It’s so easy to play the Comparison Game and think how lucky those other kids are to have The Mom. I used to get jealous of Those Moms – telling myself I should do more and be more which usually included buying more. Embroidered Easter baskets, Pinterest parties, and matching holiday outfits aren’t a requirement to be an awesome mom.

To continue to lament over The Mom I’m Not would only steal my joy – and not allow me to revel in the {awesome} Mom I Am. 

I was a stressed out mess over throwing my son’s first birthday party. He had a borrowed birthday onesie, Target cupcakes, homemade trail mix (because it’s cheaper and healthier than store-bought!), and initial balloons leftover from our baby shower! Having a stressed out mama who is trying to keep up with The Perfect Mamas isn’t good for anybody! Totally does not care that this onesie is borrowed and that my shirt doesn't match.

I finally realized that not doing all the things doesn’t mean I love my son any less. 

It’s just not true to who I am; it’s not how I show love. I show love by making up silly songs, preparing nutritious homemade meals, teaching my son that presents are just one way to show affection, and starting fun, new traditions with my little family. I show love by taking my son to the park to be with his friends. I try to make kindness and love and fun surprises part of our every day life – and take away the pressure to be the perfect family.

As a family, we try to be conscious of our spending and consumption. We try to prioritize family time over the exchange of gifts. We often choose donations to a special cause over receiving presents. These are our values – they’re not any more or less important than yours or the next mama’s. What’s important is that each of us mom the way that is true to ourselves – our hearts – our values.

So mama, if you’re The Mom with the baskets and onesies, cheers to you. I love the adorable pictures – please keep them coming. I’ll try to only be a little jealous. And if you’re like me – and you’re not The Mom, cheers to you, too. Keep showing love your way. Our kids don’t care – all they feel is our love. Maybe in the future, I will come around and order the shirts and baskets and treats. But for now, I’m Not That Mom. I’m just Phillip’s Mom. And that’s good enough for me! 

Imperfection is how we roll!


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