Why I’ll Never Have a Birth Plan



I’m a very Type A personality. If you know me, you know that I function best with schedules and organization in almost every aspect of my life. Of course, having children has helped ease that ridiculousness by like a whole 5%, but something that REALLY seemed to surprise anyone who knows me is the assumption that my “controlling” personality would have a 5 page, double spaced, correctly cited birth plan for my OB and nurses–complete with bibliography of course–right?


I got tired of opinions with our first pregnancy, very quickly. I read so many articles and blogs in those first months that my head was spinning, and my anxiety was at an all time high…but it truly helped me gain my OWN opinion on how I felt about the process I was gearing up for.

Every time people asked me a personal question, I had an easy going response  “Are you still thinking about an epidural?”…I’m not really thinking one way or another, but I’m not saying I WON’T take the medication if I want it. “How long will you breastfeed for?”…I don’t really have a timeline, I’m just hoping I will be able to at all. “What does your birth plan entail?”…My birth plan is to go in to the delivery room pregnant, and leave the hospital with a happy healthy baby.

I think that last statement was of the biggest relief to my OB when he asked. Why? Well, considering he delivered ME over 30 years ago, maybe it was simply proving the level of trust I had for him to deliver my own children was at 110%. Maybe he was just hoping to have one less hormonal control freak in the delivery room that week. I chose not to have a birth plan because of my OB. Not because he ever even made an opinion one way or the other, but because of his demeanor. He never once over reacted to, well, anything! That, my friends, was why it was so easy to let him take the wheel through the entire process.

He never pushed me to have any of the testing done in the 2nd trimester, knowing it wouldn’t change our opinion or love for our child. He never weight shamed me, when he TOTALLY could have (I gained 70 lbs with my first son) because he knew that if Oreos made me happy while carrying such a large baby on a tiny frame, then who was he to make me feel bad about it? Even after my first post-partum check up, he could tell I was overwhelmed and teetering on the edge, and did everything in his personal and professional demeanor to cheer me on.

My first delivery ended up being quite eventful, to say the least, and at one point I said to my husband, “aren’t you so glad I didn’t have an obsessive birth plan to throw at you, right about now?” He, of all people, knows what happens when anything I have “planned”, goes astray. The only time I felt any fear was when my OB mentioned that if our son’s HR didn’t regulate, he would have to put the idea of an emergency C-section on the table. However, even just the calmness and authority of which he presented it to us, helped me keep my cool and only secured my level of trust in his decisions.

I feel that sometimes moms go in to pregnancy, birth and even postpartum with so many unrealistic expectations. I was definitely one of them! Not having a birth plan helped show me that I was most certainly NOT the one in charge anymore. It helped prove to me in the delivery room, and in the weeks following as I adjusted to motherhood that a new little human was calling the shots.

From the beginning, I trusted my health-and my baby’s well being-to a man who has been in the business for decades. I didn’t try to take matters in to my own hands or (purposely) dispute any of the medical professionals, and anytime I said, “well I read this…” he never laughed at me–only gave a non biased opinion on why maybe I should just trust my own mommy instincts, as they tend to be a better guiding compass than anything.

As the birth of our second child approaches, I find myself stressing about new things, mainly related to how our toddler is going to react to his new baby brother, or how I’ll adjust to life with two kiddos under the age of two (full disclosure: I’m terrified). One thing I don’t find myself stressing about is the birth of our next little guy, thanks to the love and consistency we were given from our OB and hospital staff (shout out to the amazing nurses at Norman Regional HealthPlex) with our first. I had nothing to compare that experience to, but even with the roller coaster ride that it was, it was as enjoyable as I could imagine. Perhaps the only negative thing with this next delivery will be that my expectations are TOO high for these mere mortals who gave us such a wonderful first round!



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