I’m a Looker, Not a Cooker

Who says the woman has to be the cook in the home?

When I first got married 13 years ago, a friend gave me a magnet that stated “I’m a looker not a cooker.” It’s been on my fridge ever since. Maybe it was foreshadowing.

How was I to know that I would never be a fan of cooking?

I had domestic aspirations. I learned a few recipes. As kids came into the picture I learned to meal plan, prep, bake, stretch a dollar, even occasionally make some freezer meals with friends. 

The truth is, I hate it. 

But my husband actually enjoys cooking. And he is good at it.

I often stare at bland ingredients and a barely empty fridge fretting over dinner, but my husband can see the same ingredients and end up making a delicious meal! 

Enter the mom guilt. 

There’s a whole list of negative things I’ve said to myself over this issue. “He works full time, he shouldn’t have to do this. If you were a real woman you should find joy in this. You should be grateful to feed your family.”

(Pro tip: Don’t “should” on yourself!)

However, my husband has NEVER said anything about this issue. It’s just MY negative voice inside MY head.

So why was I letting it bother me so much?!

I finally learned when I was nursing babies to let it go. He does the majority of the cooking in our house and that’s okay! I think I found it easier to accept then because I WAS feeding babies with my BODY. Not slacking off!

Even now that nursing days are done, he still cooks more than I do, but I’ve learned to let the guilt go more easily. We each contribute to our family and our home in various ways and letting myself be okay with that is a huge life lesson. 

What works for our family doesn’t necessarily work for other families, but that’s alright. It’s 2018 and it’s time those stereotypical gender roles didn’t bother us anymore. Maybe mom is the mechanic in your home and maybe dad is the best hair braider on the block. Who cares?! 

If your family is functioning and communicating about the roles and tasks that need to be accomplished, then it doesn’t matter who does what! Take pride in the things that you do for your family and be grateful for the things your partner does too! 

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Katie left her home state of Tennessee to come pursue an interior design degree in Oklahoma fourteen years ago. She met a handsome young fella from Oregon while in school, and they decided to marry and settle down in OKC. A dog and two daughters soon followed. She has been a textile designer, showroom merchandiser, custom furniture draftsman and children’s minister, but her most challenging and favorite role has definitely been that of a mother. You can read about the adventures she shares with her family at Strawberry Ruckus. Katie enjoys reading, being creative, exploring old houses, eating peanut butter, zumba and watching complete television series all at once on Netflix.


  1. Katie, I loved your story!! I have a son-in-law who cooks dinner every night, well almost every night, for my oldest daughter. I’m pretty sure she loves it!! I know I love it when he cooks for me!


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