If You Give A Mom an Errand


If you give a mom an errand, she’ll want to go by herself. 

If she goes by herself, she’ll need to make a “quick stop” at Sonic or Starbucks for a drink, not punctuated by the screams for a slush or a cake pop. 

Once she stops for her drink, she’ll need to blast some tunes while she sips. She’ll turn off the Kidz Bop CD and find some 90’s music. 

She’ll rap unapologetically to “Regulate” and think she perfectly matches Mariah’s pitch when “Fantasy” comes on. 

When she arrives at her destination, she’ll effortlessly vacate her car without having to remind tiny humans to put their shoes back on or help their brother unbuckle. 

She’ll glide into the store and grab a basket, happily skipping passed the toy section and onto the candle aisle where she will stop and sniff every one. 

When she’s done, she will remember that she has a list of things to get. She will meander through the store, slowly ticking each item off her list. 

She’ll go to the checkout and happily chat with the cashier, people behind her in line, and the stock boy placing new candy nearby because she is not being drowned out by the cries of children begging for M&Ms.

When she gets back in her car, she’ll notice the car could use a cleaning. She’ll pop into the nearest automated car wash and take a quick cat nap as her minivan is restored to its former glory. 

After that, she’ll realize she needs to get gas. She’ll go in to pay and see her kids’ favorite candy. She’ll feel a twinge of heartache and miss her little minions. She’ll pay for her gas and a handful of Laffy Taffys and drive home. 

She’ll be greeted with shouts of, “Mommy! You’re back!” and hugs around her knees. Her heart will swell. 

Moments later when the candy she lovingly bestowed upon her offspring is ground into the carpet, the baby is crying, and the husband has clogged the toilet, she’ll be looking for any excuse to run another errand.  And if she goes to run an errand, chances are she’ll want to go by herself. 




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