I Already Miss It

“Mama! What do you fink!?”

My toddler son sprang to his feet after buckling his shoes on the wrong feet, completing his outfit. At that moment, I wanted to freeze him. His proud smile, and chubby hands perched on his hips, his little blue glasses, dinosaur shirt, and mismatched socks…

“You look amaaaazing!” I said. Our hands met for a high five, and it’s in these moments, I know, I already miss it.

As a mom of three little ones, my grocery cart seems full as soon as we enter the store. I get all of the “You’ve got your hands full!” comments along with the “You’re going to miss this!”, and “Enjoy every minute of it!” advice that I’m almost certain only comes after years and years of momnesia (the same phenomenon that makes us forget the discomforts of pregnancy and pain of childbirth so that some of us actually repeat the experience).

I won’t pretend that I enjoy every minute of it, but, I know that motherhood is uniquely complex. A single moment with my children has the power to instantly bring on 17 different emotions all at once. 

I won’t miss running late when my toddler insists “Meeeeee do it!” But the look on his face when he (sort of…mostly) does something on his own for the first time?  I already miss it.

I won’t miss the exhaustion I feel from what seems like an eternity of sleepless nights, or the midnight cries, but….the feeling of my babies as their bodies melt into mine, warm and snug in their footed pajamas, eyelashes fluttering as they drift off to sleep again? I already miss it.

I certainly won’t miss the tears over a PB&J cut into squares instead of triangles, or the tantrums and pleas for 5 more minutes at the park, but…when I consider that in a few short years, those tears will be shed for broken hearts and bullies, and those pleas will be for a later curfew? I already miss it. 

I might not miss the Baby Shark Special/Blippi playlist streaming on repeat in my minivan, but the sweet voices in the back seat singing “The Excabator Song”? I’ll miss them for sure. Because as much as I KNOW I’m completely cool with never ever hearing that catchy “doo doo do do do doo” song again, I’m just not ready for those crazy loud baby sharks in the back to turn into silent teenagers with headphones on, staring out their windows.

I will miss the time when my kisses, with an assist from a Frozen band aid, magically took their biggest hurts away. I’ll miss the snuggles and the ugga muggas. I’ll miss the lazy days in our pajamas with nowhere to be or schedules to keep. I’ll miss the dandelion bouquets.  I’ll miss the big belly laughs and gummy smiles. I’ll miss the way they say pasghetti and cattlepitter. I’ll miss the days when their world was small and their dreams were bigger than big.  I might not enjoy every minute, but, yes…I know…I’m going to miss it. Sometimes, I already do.