3 Ways To Hype Up School for Hesitant Kids

 

Recently, while sitting around the table with friends and family, I had another parent ask me if we were looking forward to our oldest starting school in the fall. In fact, both of my kids will be in some form of school this year for the first time, and I have some feelings about it!

The thoughts swirling through my brain when I heard this question were: “How are we going to get two kids ready and to school so early every single day? How am I going to balance all the school needs, work, life? Will my kids be ready? Will there be masks?  What if there is a covid outbreak, was this all the wrong decision? Should I keep them at home in a bubble forever? Has keeping them at home this last year done lasting damage to their social development?”

And so on, and so on.

What I said out loud was:  “We are SO not ready”.

And at that moment, I saw our 5-year-old look over and say “Ugh, I know” with a little eye roll. I immediately understood that our kids are looking to us to communicate readiness for this year. And, what I said wasn’t entirely true. 

My kids ARE ready, but I have some worries about the uncertainty of this year. Starting school for the first time is hard. Starting school in the middle of a pandemic is even harder. But, there are simple ways to talk about the upcoming school year that can help the transition go smoother for everyone. So, I used all that “worried” energy to dive into the best advice out there for how to talk about school so that kids are excited. These are the three ways to help your kids get emotionally ready for school:

1. Reassure them who the safe adults are

This is good advice for any situation when you will leave your kids with someone else, but it felt especially important in a school setting. It is important to me that my kids know that if they have any problems at all they can go to their teacher or the teacher’s aid, or if they are lost they can go to the front office or even ask for the nurse or principal if needed.

The way I communicate this is: “After hugs and kisses Ms. or Mr. (insert teacher’s name here) will take good care of you. Let them know if you are sad, or scared, or hurt, or happy.”  If it applies in your situation, you can also say “they have my number and can call me if you need me”.  

2. Validate their fears and worries

This may seem counterproductive (aren’t we trying to hype up how fun school will be?) but all the experts agree that giving kids space to express their fears and worries is incredibly helpful.

Validating worries about school could look something like your kid saying: “I am nervous to be in a new class”, or “I’m scared to go to school” and you respond with: “That makes sense to be worried when meeting lots of new people for the first time, sometimes that makes me nervous as well.”

Sometimes as parents we want to skirt past these feelings and onto the positive ones, with a comment like “you’ll be fine, school is so much fun”. But allowing kids to express and talk about ALL the feelings (even the seemingly small ones) may make them more likely to come to you later for more serious situations.

3. Use language that reinforces resilience

This concept is something we have been working on in our home for some time, and could probably be a whole post in and of itself. Although there have been many shifts in the approach to education recently, school success has historically been viewed through a performance lens (grades, compliance with rules, etc.).

I know there may be days when even my incredibly bright, yet hard on herself and impulsive, 5-year-old may have trouble following rules or staying on task. That is why we use as much character praise (versus performance praise) as we can to help her get past these disappointments with her self-esteem intact. 

This would look something like: “You worked so hard to learn those words, we are proud of you”, rather than “you made an A on that test”. This language helps kids accept a tough outcome with a desire to get back in there and try again. 

Although I may never feel completely ready for everything this school year may bring, these small tweaks in how I talk about the upcoming year have made a huge difference in how prepared we all feel, and I hope they are helpful to you as well. 

 

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Libby Ann
Libby is a mom to two young girls and wife to an Oklahoma native. As a family, they love exploring their city and checking out all the restaurant patios. Libby loves to consume everything health and wellness related, and enjoys long morning runs with her energetic pup, Jax. She will never pass up an opportunity to travel and discover new places, and is happy to share that passion with her girls. Libby works in the mental health field and enjoys being involved in her local community as it grows. She thinks Oklahoma is a pretty exciting place to live right now.

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