Help! I Lost My Bedroom Mojo! (And Tips to Find it Again)


sex after kids

Oh we all imagine the bliss of our little families after we have children.  We envision sitting on the couch snuggling with our husbands, watching the children play nicely on the floor in front of us.  We see peaceful children sleeping as we check on them just before we retire to bed to have a nice meaningful conversation about our day with our spouse, and then hope for a nice long night of sleep.  Now what I actually experienced was longing to sit on that couch as I passed it with laundry in hand, on the way to break up a squabble with the kids.  And praying over those children that I saw sleeping that they would just stay in their bed, asleep, the entire night so I wouldn’t have to share mine. Physical intimacy with the husband?  Who has the time???

Somewhere between the hospital and your child’s first birthday, you might have lost your bedroom mojo.  It happens to all of us.  But it doesn’t have to stay like that.  It is so very easy to get stuck in mom mode that you can’t find your way out.  But the truth is, you’re more than a mom.  You’re a wife, lover, and partner.  While our children demand most of our time when they are little, it is also important to give attention to the other equation of our families. Dads can feel a little left out or neglected. (Can I get an amen, dads?)

Need some help finding your bedroom mojo again? 6 tips to help:

  1. Do something non-mom related every day.  Its important to hold on to who you are outside of being a mom.  Take time to read a book, take a bath, go for a walk, browse your favorite store by yourself, make that Pinterest DIY you pinned.  Don’t make excuses as to why you don’t have the time.  I remember vividly, when I had little ones and a very bad day.  As soon as my husband walked in the door, I passed him the baby, dinner was ready and on the table and I promptly grabbed my keys and said I’ll be back in a bit.  And I conveniently left my cell phone at home.  He survived for the hour I was gone – its amazing how that happens.  And at the same time, daddy confidence was built.
  2. Remember makeup?  It happens to all of us.  We love our yoga pants and pony tails.  And some days we do good just to get those on. But back in the day, pre-kids, we made sure we put our best foot forward for our man.  Make a point to get dressed and put on some makeup.  You’ll feel pretty and be more inclined for some adult fun.
  3. Put a date night on the calendar.  The best thing you can do for your kids is let them be with other people, without you.  And the best thing you can do for your husband is remind him he matters to you.  Quality time is necessary for any relationship.  Put it on the calendar as soon as a new month rolls around, schedule the babysitter and go have fun! Don’t come home until you know the babysitter has put the kids to bed (get your money’s worth!) and you can continue the date in the bedroom.
  4. Buy new lingerie.  Lingerie is pretty.  We like pretty things.  If there is one thing I can always buy without my husband questioning me, it is this.  This is win/win right here.  You get to go shopping and wear something new, and he gets to look at you in it, and promptly remove it. Ha.
  5. Make the first move.  Guys don’t always want to make the first move.  They need to know you still want them.  And the added bonus is you get to pick the time and place.
  6. Get ready mentally beforehand.  Sometimes just telling yourself its going to be a part of your day can help you get ready. Half the battle can be deciding to set aside the time and make it happen.

At the end of the day, we want everyone in our families to be healthy and happy. Don’t forget the one who gave you those sweet babies!  He’d love for you to thank him…tonight. Wink!

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Amy is an Oklahoma City Native who is the mom of 3 kids ages 14, 11, and 9 and married to her college sweetheart. She ditched Corporate America and her accounting career in order to pursue her creative side and keep up with her kids. She is the author of the blog JustFinishStrong where she blogs about food, family and fitness. Coffee, a scenic run, her border collie, Izzy, and exotic chocolate are a few of her favorite things!


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