My Daughter is a Sour Patch Kid

Surely by now you have seen the hilarious commercials for Sour Patch Kids candy. I have always found these entertaining but lately they are hitting a little too close to home. You see, I realized that my daughter IS A SOUR PATCH KID. Human form. Anyone that knows her well can attest to this. In fact, when her aunt called her one for the first time, I felt relief- YES! A DIAGNOSIS! Is there a cure? Can you help her, Doc? Some of you laugh, but some of you (see, you aren’t alone!) are having light bulbs go off just as I did.

Rewind back to the birth of my beautiful Davee Rain.   She was lovely and perfect: nursed like a champ, slept well, was happy pretty much always. I had the world’s best baby. She was born with a halo that shined so brightly. But somewhere around 11 months the darndest thing happened- she stood up, took some steps, snatched that halo off of her head, and chucked it at her loving parents. And I have not seen that perfect baby since.

People think I exaggerate. “How can sweet little Davee be as feisty as you say?” They doubt, until we invite them out to eat and they see her throw her food in a colossal fit of rage over something as minimal as handing her the wrong utensil for her own safety. She’s the cutest sweetest thing you have ever seen.. until she’s not. So really I guess she would be a reverse sour patch kid? I don’t know, she bounces back and forth pretty irregularly between sour and sweet. The point is, I have no idea what to do with this 20 month old movie-candy-come-to-life. She is a hot mess!

Let’s touch on some sour highlights so you get what I’m working with here. She’s a screamer. The kind that makes you turn your head in a public eatery and give a nasty look without even meaning to. I don’t know why she does it. I don’t know how to stop it. We don’t eat out very often because of it.  And I’m a little bitter.

Next up, she’s a mean girl. She has walked straight up to boys 3 times her size and tried to push them over, just for kicks. She’s not mad, she’s not playing, she’s just being a bully. You can pull her aside and say sweet things like “nice hands”, “be sweet to your friends” and “uh oh, that hurts!”, but it doesn’t do a darn thing.

Finally, she’s the epitome of a bratty little sister. ‘Brother really likes that new toy he got today, I think I will snatch it and run for the hilltops so he will FREAK THE FREAK OUT! And then after getting caught, I will give him the sweetest hug and smile and apologize in a chipper voice that automatically rights the wrong.’ Sour patch kid, I’m telling you.

I have to admit, the sweet moments are the absolute sweetest I have seen from any other child in my life. This toddler is goofy, fun-loving, smiley, friendly, baby-obsessed, and snuggly. People brag when they get to cuddle with her because it is such an honor. I love the way she acts a fool to get a chuckle from me. I love the way she whispers secrets in my ear and giggles afterward. I love the way she steals infants from me and won’t give them back because she declares them “MINE!” These are the gifts God has given me to carry me through the sour moments.

If you are parenting a Sour Patch Kid, please know I feel your pain, but I have ZERO advice to give you. Honestly, I’m praying that this is just a 9-months-and-counting long phase… I hope we come out alive on the other side of this with emotionally stable small humans and the least amount of personal breakdowns as possible. Godspeed, my friends!