Confused? Me too, Mama.


Sugar and spice and everything nice, that’s what little girls are made of.

I think we all know this sweet little nursery rhyme. It was hanging in my room growing up. But what are moms made of? Those ingredients that make me who I am today, I guarantee are not even close to the same batch of ingredients that made me who I was six months ago. And that is ok. Some of the best recipes I have tweaked a few ingredients. 

It’s a little exhaustion.
It’s a little chaos (ok, a lot of chaos).
It’s a little fear for the future.
A lot of anxiety.

I feel like most of my existence is just one “What the heck?” moment after the next.

I have one child who will be entering 5th grade this year, and we are 90% sure will be doing online classes. She struggles in school and change is hard for her, especially academically. The school sent an email home saying each student will be issued either an iPad or Chrome Book, for when they close the school down.

I really have no clue what I am doing. I never wanted to home school, yet, here we are! 

I do think the number of days she wakes up “sick” will be greatly reduced.

My youngest daughter is entering kindergarten and I am so crushed that I can not walk her into the school that first day. I cannot bring her lunch. She won’t get to experience class parties, lunch, recess, gym….all will be totally different.

The good thing about kindergarten is she does not know what she will miss, never having experienced it before. My heart hurts for the ones who know what normal was a few months ago.

I am sad for the teachers. I am fearful for the older ones, and those with weak immune systems.

I am sad that our kids may not have the same teacher all year. I worry about my friends who are teachers that are single moms. I have heard their fears. I hurt with them. 

So much is unknown. So much confusion.

Do we have the answers?

The ones we do have, are not really clear.

We are learning a new normal. We are slowly accepting the inevitable that life as we know it, will cease to exist. 

I can fight it all day long. I can drive myself insane, run to my closet, lock the door, and have a good hard cry. I can vent all day. But, nothing will change the world changing. 

So as a mom, confused, mentally exhausted, full of fear and anxiety, I realize I am actually normal. 

I know the power I hold within me to transform little minds to openly accept the new normal. To show them how to make the best of every situation.  To embrace change. To be a light and share a smile. To lead by example and show kindness in a cruel world. 

I have survived every hard day that has come my way so far! Those are pretty good odds. 

We will make it moms. I am not saying it will be easy, but, we are in this together. 

Now, for that sugar…If you need me I will be hiding in my closet eating a candy bar.

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I like to color outside the box. House keeping is not my spiritual gift, but I love to make food for my friends in times of trouble, or just because! I love Jesus a lot and am constantly working on my mouth. My filter is extra small. I feel like the luckiest woman in the world to be married to my wonderful husband. My two grandsons are “Sugars” buddies. Bug, dirt, chaos and all. I probably love my dog more than most people. If you need a reason to smile, I will give you two! And if you hang around me any time at all, I’ll make you laugh, probably at my own expense. I’m a glass overflowing person 95% of the time, but I struggle with depression, which comes with being a former drug addict. I celebrated 12 years clean in December. I love to write, cook, laugh and craft!


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