Confessions of a Professional Sarcastic Mom Part 2

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I’m back and this time the tables have turned! We will be taking a close look at the things that I do. I have daily SMH moments, and I can’t help but laugh and make sure that I don’t take everything so seriously in my life. (Google SMH if you don’t know what it means.)

Wait … let’s back up real quick, for those of you that haven’t read Part 1, here’s my disclaimer before we get started.

Disclaimer: My sarcasm meter doesn’t EVER come from a place of hate, a judgmental mind set, evil, or insecurity. It comes from a place of humor, love, joy, peace, and taking life’s situations and the things we say and do and making it light-hearted. We all need to laugh more in life because it’s precious and short.

Back to our regular scheduled program. I have a running list in my head of the things that I’ve done and continue to do that would give anyone great commentary to make sarcastic remarks, from a place of light and love of course.

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“Everyone is having babies and I’m over here like, Hey look at these 500 pictures of my dog.” -Anonymous-

1. The Dog vs. My Own Needs

Making sure my dog has organic treats while I buy normal peanut butter. What the he’c? Ummmm … why? Oh my word … this girl! Raising my hand … That would be me! Yes, I am that girl who spends more money on different organic treats for my dog than I do on items for myself. I am that girl who will get on every website if I feel like my dog is acting even a little bit lethargic. I am the crazy dog woman who will make special white rice for the dog if I feel like his tummy is making weird sounds and he didn’t eat his food at the time he normally does, because obviously something has to be wrong with him. SMH! I admit it, I am a huge dog lover and sometimes I like them a lot more than humans. My daughter jokes with me about how if her stomach hurts that I tell her to “suck it up.” But if the dog is acting weird then I make sure every person in the house is attentive to him no matter what. Crazy dog woman … to say the least! We will agree to disagree right now that IMO dogs are just furry little humans, end of story. Every single reader has the absolute LOVING right to make sarcastic remarks/comments about the fact that I buy treats with quinoa instead of processed fat treats for the furry boy, since I make fun of quinoa in a lot of my posts! I can absolutely handle it because it’s dang funny! Proceed.

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Bottom line … Fashion is about something that comes within you. Dressing down means different things to different people and that’s okay.

2. Dressing Down vs. “Actually” Dressing Down

Why did she just show up in heels? Is she serious? Yes, she is as a matter of fact. It’s engrained in her DNA and her husband has accepted and now knows that when she dresses down, it’s not the normal version of what dressing down is. She’s completely pro jeans and t-shirts, but she wears heels or wedges. It’s her thing, and by her, I mean me. When you grow up with a grandmother and mother telling you that you are not allowed to ever leave the house in sweats, and that you are a reflection of them when leaving the house, you learn real quick that dressing down still means looking nice. Really? What about if you go fishing? Well, then you put on sparkly stud earrings and some mascara and a fishing outfit that can still get dirty. Yes … an outfit! (We’ll have to talk over coffee for me to explain that.) What about if you are sick and you are the only one who can go get medicine and food for yourself? Well, then you put on leggings, a nice t-shirt, sandals (never tennis shoes b/c you only put those on if you are actually going to work out) and sparkly stud earrings with lip gloss. What about if you are just getting up on a Saturday morning to have coffee with a friend and you literally have 5 minutes to get ready because you woke up late? Well, then you throw on skinnies and cuff them, a t-shirt, some wedges, a high bun, and glasses with a swipe of lipstick … oh, and sparkly stud earrings. It’s engrained … it’s absofreakinlutely engrained. Proceed with SMH antics, LOL! So, when you see that girl (me) walking around the flea market in Guthrie, OK on a Saturday morning with a coffee in her hand, wedges, a sundress, and Jackie O. sunglasses on, cut her some slack and instead of asking “Why is she so dressed up?” just know that she is dressed down … and she did her best!

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No shame in the selfie game.

3. Social Media Sassafrass

Did she really just post another selfie? Did she really just post another dog picture? Did she really just post another picture of coffee? Did she really just post another selfie, but instead it’s her eyebrow up and fish lips pose? Who has time for that, much less make time for it? I think I should get the title of Social Media Floozie President, for no other reason than I’d post about it and it’s fun for me. It’s pretty simple … some people like gardening, some people like DIY projects, some people like baking, some people like sewing, and there’s me … I like posting on social media. I surprisingly don’t spend a lot of time on each social outlet, but I do post quite a bit on them. Why? One simple answer … It’s fun! Here is the sarcasm meter on my own behalf … “Really? Every month you’re going to post your bestie time. Really? Every morning your dog looks at you while you sing in the car is post worthy. Really? Is your job that fun. Really? How many more tattoos do you and your husband need to post about. Really? More headbands and bows. Really? Another selfie! Really?

I can’t help but laugh as I write this, because the sarcasm is real folks. Yes, these are the things that I think and can’t help but just laugh at myself. I am the first to dish it out and the first to absolutely take the dishing, I’m an equal opportunist.

There you have it, sarcasm on myself. Enjoy a laugh on my behalf, it’s fine.  Stay tuned for Part 3, the last and final post from this series – “Kids”.

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Patty is a Texas gal who relocated to Oklahoma in 2005 with her now ex-husband and two kids. She became an instant mom when she met her ex-husband in Austin, TX. Her kids were 4 and 6 at the time, they are now 21 and 23! She loves her blended & diverse family dynamic and her sweet French Brittany bird dog named Harper. After being happily married for 12 years, and now venturing through being happily divorced, you can bet her life is quite the adventure. She Style Coaches professionally, enjoys coaching women in refining and defining their style, drinking a well made latte, living by the golden rule of “no talking before 10am”, craft beer, charcuterie trays, true breakfast tacos, bread, the fall season, tattoos, and saying “YES” to any adventures. Get tips and inspiration by following her style coaching on Instagram & Twitter @pattystylecoach, and Facebook – Patty Rankin Style Coach. Check out her business at www.pattystylecoach.com

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