A DRAMATIC new season of The Bachelor is upon us, ladies. Who will he choose? What did she say?! He gave HER a rose? I can’t believe they did that?! Yep, It’s time to get catty and gossipy as we watch two people fall in
love lust. Oh, don’t call me a cynic! It’s true. If this social experiment of a TV show has taught us anything, it’s that any two semi-attractive people from the same age group can fall in “love” if you put them in the right circumstance. Statistically once the honeymoon suites, helicopter rides, wine wooing dinners, and tropical locations are removed, these “lovebirds” don’t make it. Once real life kicks in and there are no more roses to be had, one of them bails and occasionally ends up on the next season!
If The Bachelor wanted a REAL life test to see if their “love” can really endure, I think the writers could set up some better experiments than a poolside cabana picnic for the couples. Sure a “meet the family moment” might be challenging but let’s kick it up a notch and watch it get more awkward as they’ve got to travel to those future in-laws with screaming kids or car sick kids or work together and not murder each other when the car gets a flat in Thanksgiving traffic on the interstate. Yes THAT’s the stuff that will really test your relationship! I asked a few of the OKCMB contributors to pull from their life experiences to set up some relationship challenges for potential episodes of The Bachelor. Here’s what we came up with…
1. Potty Problems
After that romantic candlelit dinner the couple is struck with food poisoning and has to share one bathroom…with one toilet. And then SHE clogs it, and he has to fix it.
2. Aunt Flo Visits
Ready for a romantic rendezvous in the hotel, she sadly realizes her period started early. Instead of ringing up room service, the bachelor has to make a run for midol and tampax. The night of spooning is then ruined by bloodstained sheets and pj’s because SOMEBODY didn’t know the difference in heavy flow products.
3. Budgets Away!
Instead of an all expenses paid Tahitian trip, the couple must sit down together and go over their income and expenses and make a budget for a vacation they pay for themselves.
4. You’re Doing It Wrong!
The couple is locked in a bathroom as they discover all their idiosyncrasies about toothpaste squeezing methods: from the bottom or middle?! And toilet paper roll technique: roll forward or backward?
5. All Backed Up
After she has an unexpected surgery, the couple is recovering in a quiet hospital room. She feels the urge to go number 2 but is scared because the pain meds have constipated her for a few days. The bachelor must hold her hand and coach her through this. Then be man enough to run to the pharmacy for all constipation and hemorrhoid products needed.
6. Sleep Deprivation
Just put a newborn baby in the fantasy suite with them. A night of colic and no sleep will bring out some characteristics I bet they’ve never noticed before!
7. Familial Tug of War
Forget the dinner with family…it’s the holidays and BOTH families live in town, both must be visited, both want the couple there for their holiday dinner and they both start at the same time.
8. Let’s Talk About Sex…And Babies.
An appointment to look at wedding rings is romantic, but afterward they must go to their first ob/gyn appointment to discuss birth control options and family planning.
9. The Joys of Home Ownership
They might get the house all to themselves this weekend but in the morning they’ve discovered a septic tank leak, and the downstairs is flooded, and it’s the weekend and no one is working. A weekend of no water or toilet flushing begins.
10. Two People – One Major Financial Decision
The time for planning their future home together is near. Their funds may be sufficient but they must do the paperwork together and then work with a realtor or contractor as they plan for their first house.
11. One Big “Happy” Family Dinner
They must host a family meal where they cook and clean together and then have to listen to their in-laws political views, religious views, and loads of child rearing advice over the feast they prepared.
12. Sniff, Sniff
The Bachelor has a common cold and she must care for him. Nuff said.
I think we can all agree a rose offer after any of these situations would mean a LOT more! Would this make for good TV? Probably not. But if it did I bet we all could be on television, #amiright? What scenarios have tested your relationship that you would like to see on The Bachelor?