Am I a good mom during all of this? That’s the million-dollar question that stands alone in my mind these days. Half the time I don’t know what day it is, let alone if me or my son has some sort of meeting to attend.
Here’s what I see during the day:
There’s a load of laundry hanging out on the dining table. How long has it been there? I’m not quite sure.
Tuesday night we had pizza but I think tonight (Thursday) we’ll do it again.
Oh… wait. Is today Thursday? Isn’t there some sort of Zoom meeting I’m supposed to be a part of?
Ok, sandwiches on the floor behind me it is. There’s still that laundry on the dining table. Mommy has a meeting.
Ayyy, bedtime has been so late every night. Ok, tomorrow we will get back to schedule.
Ok, well, I’m pretty sure a beached whale appeared in my bathroom as my son flipped and flopped water all over the place. It’s fine. I’ll throw some towels down that are on the dining table. Score.
Me to Ben: baby bear, did you have a good day? (still covered in marker from art project earlier)
Oh mama. The best day ever.
So when I am questioning my every move and wondering if I’m doing a good job, this is what my son sees:
He doesn’t see a pile of laundry on the kitchen table. He sees a mountain with a tunnel to hide in from the ninjas.
He doesn’t see that we are having sandwiches again, he sees that he’s having his favorite food and then gets to have a picnic behind me.
He doesn’t see that we aren’t on a schedule, he sees more playtime, more US time, more time to tell stories, and laugh.
And the bathroom whale? Well, that’s exactly what he saw. Nothing wrong with reenacting Moby Dick, one-man style.
All the marker left on him.. well it’s just tattoos like mama.
And all the extra time spent together at night snuggling and reading stories together, he needs that. When I fall asleep next to him, he feels safe. He is safe.
So during this time when I think I’m failing and falling behind, my child is truly living his best life. He will remember these days when he’s an adult and they’ll be the good memories of childhood, full of laughter, water fights, hiding from ninjas, and a mom that was there for all of it.
Nothing can replace any of that.
Next time you ever question yourself, look at it from your child’s point of view. And KNOW that you are doing a gosh darn good job.