A Letter to My Daughter’s Birth Mother on Mother’s Day


I see you in her smile.

I see you in her eyes.

I see you in her determination and strong will.

I hear you in her laughter.

You will always be a part of our daughter’s life and our life. You are the old memories that are always near to the new memories that we are making.

I wonder about you and your life. What was your pregnancy like? Was the day of our daughter’s birth joyful? Was she a good and content baby or difficult? Do you keep her baby pictures close? Did you tickle her to make her giggle or hold her close when she was scared? Did you ever dream about what she will be when she grows up, or about the babies she will have someday? I know my questions will never be answered, and I must accept that.

Part of me will always be grateful for you. You gave life to my beautiful daughter. You finally decided to do what was best for her by walking away to keep her safe and give her a chance at the life she deserves. Because of you, my husband and I have a beautiful daughter of our own. We will never forget the sacrifice you made by walking away.

But there is also part of me that would like to scream at you and tell you everything that I ever thought about you and what you put my daughter through. You have caused so much pain and hurt for our daughter. Because of your decisions and actions, she wakes at night screaming from nightmares, and we must comfort her and remind her she is safe. Some of her pain she will carry into adulthood. When she is hurting, because of you and your decisions, I am furious at you. Because you caused her pain as her first mommy, our relationship is strained at times. I have to build her trust and teach her that a mommy is supposed to take care of her and protect her, no matter the cost.

But did you even know better? Were you raised the same way? Did you also need someone to take care of you and protect you no matter the cost? Did you need someone to show you how to love and be loved?

In the end, you, birth mother, will always hold a special place in our daughter’s heart. You were her first mommy. She grew in you for nine months. She cried out for you when she was sad or hurt. I’m sure there are times when her little heart still aches for you.

Because of all this, you will always hold a special place in my heart. And because of all this, I want to wish you a Happy Mother’s Day from your daughter’s adopted mother.


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