7 Signs You Have a High Needs Baby

High Needs Baby

Babies are wonderful. They are cuddly, smell amazing, make sweet cooing noises, and have smiles that can melt your heart. They are innocent, adorable, and angelic.

But on occasion, those angels can be difficult. I’m not talking about a cry here or there or a sleepless night every once in a while. I’m talking about babies who meet the criteria Dr. Sears documents in The Baby Book, which I found when frantically reading everything about babies I could get my hands on in hopes of finding an explanation for my son’s infantile drama.

High needs.

Dr. Sears’ politely describes “high needs babies” as those who require extra love and attention. This is a wonderful way of being positive about a stressful situation. Me, I prefer to look at it in a humorous light. If you think you have a high needs baby, take a look at the signs below and share a laugh with fellow mommas who are fighting the good fight.

1. If you aren’t looking at him every second of the day, you expect a meltdown.

In order to prevent the outbursts of a baby with exceptionally high needs, you have to stand in front of him, staring like a full-on creeper (often with bloodshot eyes from lack of sleep). My son’s daycare teacher recently told me that he loses his mind if they walk by without addressing him. I’m sorry. I had no idea I was raising royalty.

2. Her cries are louder than the audience at a boy band concert.

You know those cries. They are intense, and only escalate the longer you refuse to meet the needs of that tiny person. Little fists clenched, back arched, face bright red. Often, there’s nothing you can do to make it stop. This usually leads to you joining them in a crying frenzy that causes the neighbors to shut their blinds and turn off their lights.

3. Despite your best intentions, swaddling…

What is this wizardry? In your childbirth classes or in the hospital, you were taught about the art of swaddling. You saw those peaceful, sweet babies sleeping soundly in their fabric cocoons and grew confident of your own swaddling abilities. Then your baby was born. If he wakes up – on those rare nights when sleep is a thing – and has even one appendage still swaddled, go play the lottery. Today is clearly your lucky day.

4. You have fallen prey to co-bathrooming.

I’m going to ask a question, and I want you to be honest with yourself. Has your baby been so difficult that you can’t put her down long enough for you to use the bathroom? Have you… held her while, you know, bathrooming? It’s okay, momma. You are not alone. And truthfully, you should be recognized publicly for your abilities. Going to the bathroom while holding a baby who may also be going to the bathroom is a serious skill, and it takes the art of co-existing to a whole new level.

5. That crib you registered for is now an expensive laundry basket.

Let’s be honest. How many times has your baby slept in his crib? Okay, now how many piles of clothes sleep in your crib? That’s what I thought. You know all too well the struggle when it comes to putting your baby down to sleep. He’s in such a deep sleep nothing can wake him. Not a tornado, fire alarm, earthquake, bath, crib… oh wait, yes, a crib totally wakes him up the second you lay him down. Cue Netflix and your caffeine stash.

6. Their deception game is strong.

You’ve spent all day tending to her desperate cries. She has resisted soothing and screamed for hours on end. You’ve sent desperate texts to your friends asking them to send sanity and wine. They oblige. You answer the door, heavy eyes and frizzy hair, and secretly can’t wait for your friends to experience your nightmare. Your child has other plans, however. Instead of showing what they’re made of, they completely switch gears and become the nicest, sweetest, happiest baby on the planet. What are you talking about? your friends ask. This baby is perfect! Then, they leave. And, you know what happens next.

7. Zero to Sixty? More like zero to five thousand.

Life is great! You’re holding your smiling baby, and they’re laughing at your attempts to tickle them. They’re making sweet noises and staring lovingly into your eyes. Then, out of nowhere, all of that comes to an abrupt, horrible end. The laughing turns to screaming. The tickling turns into frantic attempts at soothing, which are denied immediately. You consider calling whoever processes birth certificates and asking if you can change your child’s middle name from “Anne” to “Unpredictable.” It just fits better.

If your baby back dives when you feed them, refuses to have their photo taken, causes you to spend an exceptional amount of time in the doctor’s office only to be told there’s nothing wrong, and leads your sleep-deprived brain to hear phantom cries when they aren’t even around – you may have a high needs baby. But, guess what? They’re also really stinkin’ cute and are probably the best thing that’s ever happened to you. Hang in there! It gets better. Well, until they become a toddler.

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Heather Koontz
Heather is a transplant from Tulsa, OK, who enjoys falling in love with Oklahoma City and all it has to offer. A communications and public relations specialist, Heather is a graduate of the University of Tulsa with degrees in film studies and creative writing. She loves to write, capture her day with photographs and videos, and spend time with her husband Byron and their two rambunctious dogs. They have a brand new baby boy and are navigating the unique world of first-time parenthood. Huge fans of the Oklahoma City Thunder, their favorite thing to do is attend Thunder games.

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