10 Ways to Invest in your Relationship Instead of Retiring to your Phone

As much as I find genuine joy in spending time with my daughter, I admit I look forward to “my time” when she falls asleep. It’s quiet; it’s peaceful; it’s space to think, unwind, and (most importantly) eat ice cream without having to share.

Bedtime comes, and this feeling is amplified after a long day of structured routine. Once my daughter goes down to bed, my husband and I crash – him often retiring to his phone and me to mine.

Unfortunately, there’s a problem when this scenario becomes our nightly default: instead of investing in alone time together, we invest in it apart. In doing so, our interactions together are only those dictated by our child’s routine, and our identity as a couple and foundation for our relationship becomes dependent on our child. We begin to forget how to engage each other in the stillness of the evening, and once we become empty nesters, we find we’ve lost the very thing that we depended on for interaction and purpose.

Below is a list of ideas to make your evenings more intentional with your partner, to spark conversation, creativity, and laughter, and build a foundation for your relationship (and family!).

1. Pick a TV Series to Watch Together

Watching a TV series together has many perks: something to look forward to in the evenings, momentarily escaping the stresses of the day, and having some great new inside jokes and topics to discuss (plot twists, favorite characters, real life scenario comparisons, and more).

2. Play Some Old-Fashioned Games

In the technology era, we often forget about old-fashioned puzzles and games! Try a game for two such as Chess, Othello, Mancala, or a card game such as Speed. If you both are too competitive, you might stick to a game you solve together: a 1000-piece puzzle or a crossword puzzle from a local newspaper such as the Oklahoman!

3. Read Together Out Loud

Pick a great novel or even a nonfiction book and take turns reading pages out loud. Reading together helps you experience the text at the same pace and entertain new ideas that you haven’t yet explored together as a couple. Conversation regarding a book often reveals unexplored aspects of our interests and feelings.

4. Workout Together

Working out together can bring a lot of satisfaction for both partners, leaving you both feeling refreshed and healthy. It also builds cooperation in goal setting, planning, and accountability. Furthermore, exercising relieves daily stresses by releasing “feel-good” endorphins.

5. Invest in Intentional Conversation

Ask intentional questions and engage in conversation as when you were dating! Our ideas mature and change as we age, and you may be surprised to get new answers to old questions. Ask about long-term and short-term goals. Talk about your dream vacation or dream home. Express your relationship needs. Reminisce about old family traditions. Talk about science, about art, about government, about family, or hobbies. If you need help thinking of some great, insightful questions, check out this neat deck of conversation starting cards to place on the table: http://www.tabletopics.com.

6. Cook Together

Cooking together promotes conversation, collaboration, communication, and planning! You also get to enjoy the “fruits of your labor!” Mmm!

7. Explore New Hobbies

Creating something together is extremely fulfilling! Select a small or big project, normal or bizarre, bring back an old hobby, or start a new one. You could try woodworking, origami, building a cardboard box fort, painting, creating Halloween costumes or holiday decorations, writing a short story by contributing one line at a time, basket weaving, constructing Lego villages or car/ship models, or making an indoor plant arrangement.

8. Listen to Music

Not everyone can sit still and simply listen to music, but if you can, I suggest you try it with your spouse. Turn up the music (without waking the kids) and just lie on a couch together while listening. Maybe even light some candles.

9. Learn Together

Learn something new together, whether it’s tackling a YouTube dance class, listening to an interesting podcast, or taking an online course about United States history.

10. Clear Clutter

With an ever-growing to-do list and chores piling up, sometimes it’s difficult to relax with physical and mental clutter. Pick an activity to knock out together. For example, set a 30-minute timer to clear the kitchen together. Play some music! After the timer is up, commit to relax. 

I hope your relationship benefits from these ideas. If you have any additional activities you and your partner enjoy together, please let us know in the comments!

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Kaley Field is a full-time working mother of one. She stands 4’10” married to her 6’1″ husband, with a daughter set on the growth chart to outgrow her by age 7. While not working within education technology, she enjoys literature, writing, blogging, exercising, experimental cooking (no recipe, just winging it by smell and taste!), tea (always loose leaf!), and getting to bed by 9pm (although that never happens). Follow Kaley’s blog at tuckerandkaley.wordpress.com.